a painful attempt to place my thoughts into words

Half

2009-05-18T13:56:00.003-05:00

So, I checked out this poetry reading last night with some friends. and the performers and poets were so amazing and talented and inspiring that i realized that i want to pick up writing again. i used to write poetry, but i kept it all to myself. never really let anyone read it. but i'm gonna do it differently this time. i'm gonna just post it on here and whoever reads it, reads it. this is my first shot back, so be gentle. i'm just getting my rhythm and flow back.
this one is called "half"

i am half.
half asian half white
half lover half itching to start a fight
half confident half lost
in this half-sheltered world
half independent half scared
half intimidated half feared
half-assing my way through a half-worthless existence
afraid that halfway through this half-lived life i’ll realize that living half in the grave and half in the sky
is no way to exist
half an observer and i half just want to see
what the world could turn into if we all could just be
take a half-step back and turn halfway around
and see that half-living will only make us half-found in this half-lost society with our half-caring kids who don’t know half of the problems
or have seen half of the bad
i have half of my heart
i feel with half of my soul
the other half is missing…taken by some “half”-hole
i know half of my feelings and half of me is numb
and i know that my life could be halfway better if i just opened my half-asian eyes and saw
that by only half-living, my glass is only half-full
or maybe half-empty
but it is not whole.
and neither am i in this half-fucked up world with my half-broken life which is half in control and half spinning
and spinning
and spinning
and i want it to stop.
or half of me does
the other half doesn’t know what it wants
i’m half conflicted and half in the clear
half pessimistic half idealistic half realistic half masochistic
half faithless half hopeless half cynical half jaded
but there is a half of me that wants to leave half of me behind
and use my whole heart and use my whole mind
and use my whole soul and see the whole world
but until then i am just half.
half a person living half of her life
with half of two cultures and half of a heart
half waiting and half-giving up on ever seeing a day
when this half-fucked up world will open their eyes at least halfway.

you, my dear, fail life.

2009-05-11T17:42:00.002-05:00

It just baffles me.
BAFFLES me.
how immature, selfish, inconsiderate, and RUDE people can be.
BAFFLES ME.
you are over 50 years old. your behavior is completely unacceptable. COMPLETELY. no one should be that immature at your age. hell, no one should be that immature at your DAUGHTER'S age, but I no longer blame her. Because she is an exact replica of you. I blame your bad parenting.

Things that are NOT okay:
1. moving all your stuff out, a month early, and only giving your roommate 30 seconds notice.
2. moving out mostly communal objects such as a tv, couch, SHOWER CURTAIN, pots, pans, dishes, etc. - a month early, and only giving your roommate 30 seconds notice.
3. walking past someone as if she doesn't exist when she opens HER door to HER apartment to you and says "hello! how are you?"
4. being a fully-grown adult and doing the above-mentioned action.

...some people just shouldn't have children. some people just FAIL as parents.

thank you mom and dad for not being THAT.

2009-03-14T03:14:00.002-05:00

i think too much.
"jump first, fear later"
"the scariest decisions are usually the most worthwhile"
yeah, easier said than done.
i'm beginning to think i'm destined to be alone.
not in the emo "i'm all alone in the world, no one understands me" way
but in the "i fear truly living and will push everyone away" way
i will always find a reason to leave
i'm screwy.
and have issues.
i need to find someone to deal with it and put me back together.
kthanks, world.

These people make college what it is

2009-02-15T19:51:00.003-06:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Song: Heart of Life-John Mayer

In between...a one night stand and a wedding ring...

2009-02-09T10:31:00.003-06:00

In a horrible attempt to procrastinate writing a news release and studying for an exam I have today, I thought I'd blog. Because I haven't written in awhile. And I'm an awful student. Good.

So here's a story:

Last...November? My friend (and future roommate!) Mandy and I drove out to Madison to see Idina Menzel...because she's absolutely incredible. We got there early, had dinner, met up with a friend for a bit, and then headed over to the theatre. We get there and see a sign that said "8:00 Chris Mann 9:00 Idina Mezel" and we both go "well, shit. I don't want to watch someone opening act for Idina. I just want to see HER."

Fast forward to 8:00pm, the concert starts and these 2 guys come on stage...sit down...and begin playing. He opened his mouth to sing, and I swear I stopped breathing. When he finished his first song (ahem, "On a Night Like This"), Mandy and I just looked at each other, jaws to the ground.

"who IS this guy?"

The way we described him is "Talent of Josh Groban with a little bit of Jason Mraz thrown in for goofiness and quirkiness...with the stage presence of Andrew McMahon"

Idina was, of course, fabulous. That woman is so incredible, I can't even begin to tell you. Not only is she disgustingly talented, but she was absolutely hilarious too.
After the concert, we considered stopping at Chris's merch table, but it was surrounded with girls practically falling over themselves to be by him (oh, did I mention that he's quite attractive as well...? Because he is.) and I'm not that type of "screaming, flustering, ohmigod-i-love-you-so-much kind of fan."
Instead, we headed outside and waited by Idina's bus. We were lucky enough to get a picture of her AND get her autograph (and she only gave like 10). It was incredible. [side note: one of the only 2 times I've ever been kinda star-struck...the first time was when I met and talked to Anthony Rapp...what IS it with the actors from RENT??]

Afterward, we were going to try to find him to tell him how great of a job he did, but didn't see him...and we still had to drive back to Milwaukee (yea, it was about 1:30am on a Sunday night at this point...)

Needless to say, I was an instant fan....*ahem* MANNfan, as is his coined phrase.

Anyway, I urge everyone to check him out. He's got his album coming out in...March? yeah. So, you've got a month to get excited. Seriously though, this guy has more talent in his left foot than most people have at all. He's gonna be big. Just watch.

Check out www.chrismannmusic.com to read his blog and hear 2 of his songs that are posted.

Oh, and THIS is what I saw in Madison.

One last thought before bed...

2009-01-30T01:19:00.003-06:00

I had to repost this because it rings so unbelievably true. For the rest of Debauchette's blog, check it out here. She really certainly full of a different insight. Quite intriguing and fun to read =]

"I’m a little tired of the coy push-and-pull that we teach young women, as if they should play up their sexuality but ultimately recoil from sexual activity, resulting in our classically conflicted nympho-puritanical views: we’re sex-saturated (advertising, porn) yet we’re also sex-avoidant (MPAA, morality laws). If we’re talking about depictions of women, I want to see more of this, of women looking you in the eye and fucking owning their sex."

I Am Waiting

2009-01-29T00:02:00.003-06:00

I am waiting for my case to come up
and I am waiting
for a rebirth of wonder
and I am waiting for someone
to really discover America
and wail
and I am waiting
for the discovery
of a new symbolic western fronteir
and I am waiting
for the American Eagle
to really spread its wings
and straighten up and fly right
and I am waiting for the Age of Anxiety
to drop dead
and I am waiting
for the war to be fought
which will make the world safe
for anarchy
and I am waiting for the final withering away
of all governments
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for my number to be called
and I am waiting
for the Salvation Army to take over
and I am waiting
for the meek to be blessed
and inherit the earth
without taxes
and I am waiting
for forests and animals
to reclaim the earth as theirs
and I am waiting
for a way to be devised
to destroy all nationalisms
without killing anybody
and I am waiting
for linnets and planets to fall like rain
and I am waiting for lovers and weepers
to lie down together again
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for the great divide to be crossed
and I am anxiously waiting
for the secret of eternal life to be discovered
by an obscure practitioner
and I am waiting
for the storms of life
to be over
and I am waiting to set sail for happiness
and I am waiting
for a reconstructed Mayflower
to reach America
with its picture story and TV rights
sold in advance to the natives
and I am waiting
for the lost music to sound again
in the Lost Continent
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for the day
that maketh all things clear
and I am waiting for reconstruction
for what America did to Tom Sawyer
and I am waiting
for the American Boy
to take off the Beauty's clothes
and get on top of her
and I am waiting
for Alice in Wonderland
to retransmit to me
her total dream of innocence
and I am waiting
for Childe Roland to come
to the final darkest tower
and I am waiting for Aphrodite
to grow live arms
at a final disarmament conference
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting
to get some intimations
of immortality
by recollecting my early childhood
and I am waiting
for the green mornings to come again
for some strains of unpremeditated art
to shake my typewriter
and I am waiting to write
the great indelible poem
and I am waiting
for the last long rapture
and I am perpetually waiting
for the fleeting lovers on the Grecian Urn
to catch each other at last
and embrace
and I am awaiting
perpetually and forever
a renaissance of wonder

--Lawrence Ferlinghetti

i've come to realize...

2009-01-25T23:56:00.002-06:00

that some people can just be assholes sometimes...

...but there are times...select few times...brief shinning moments in time...that people can be good. genuinely good, caring people.

I was lucky enough to experience that last night. I am lucky enough to have some great friends.
The feeling of being taken care of and held is one of the best.

I got, uh, a bit more inebriated than I had intended. But I had a friend who sat with me, held me, talked to me, comforted me, took care of me...went above and beyond to ensure that I was comfortable, safe, and warm. And it's in moments like that, that my faith in humanity is restored.

Anyone who knows me, knows that my faith in humanity dwindles and slowly disappears every day. Reading stories about John Travolta facing extortion demands after his son dies. or seeing blatant hate between groups of people over superficial issues. or even hearing a dumb, insensitive, prejudice comment. Everyday I hear or see things that make me think that we, as a society, can be BETTER.

But it's the small gestures, like last night, that restore my faith and remind me that people have the potential to be better.

So, thank you to my friend. you'll probably never realize how important you are or how meaningful your gestures are.

This might blow your mind...

2009-01-23T02:10:00.001-06:00

Barack Obama - 44th President of the United States of America

2009-01-20T18:21:00.007-06:00

Goodbye Mr. Bush....

HELLO, President Barack Obama!!

Change is here.

*Photos courtesy of cnn.com

eff the system?

2009-01-11T20:58:00.005-06:00

Today, I'm feeling...smothered....suppressed...

Maybe it's just because tomorrow start a new semester, and at the beginning of every new semester, I seriously question my life. Here I am, paying an excessive amount of money that will put me into serious debt, to get a very good education. I will graduate with a degree that says that I attended and survived a great college. I took the classes, learned the material, passed the tests, and received a piece of paper to prove it. I fell in line with the system and did exactly what I was supposed to.

I pay an excessive amount of money, and I have NO idea what I want to do with my life.

I feel like I'm doing this whole college thing to eventually become a productive member of society...to fall in line with how I should act...what I should be. But what do I WANT to do?

I want to travel. I want to experience life. I want to create something. I want to write music and perform. I want to be irresponsible and reckless for ONCE in my life. I want to dream and I want to feel free to follow my dreams.

I want to feel like I can follow my dreams, rather than have them suppressed by the Ivory Towers...I don't want to take the safe route anymore...

Tomorrow begins a new semester. Only 3 more to go until I'm thrust out into the real world, unprepared and inexperienced. Sigh. Let's see how this one goes...

the future freaks me out

2009-01-08T15:41:00.002-06:00

It might be the uncertainty of it, but I'm more terrified to grow up and graduate than ever. Actually, I'm afraid of tomorrow. and next week. next month. I don't know how to get through the semester. through the summer. Money has never been a problem. I'm definitely not rich by any means, but I've always been comfortable. I've never been deprived of anything I need, or much of what I really want. I'm not spoiled. I manage my own money and am pretty self-sufficient. I pay for most of my own things. My parents help out with tuition and rent, but outside of that, I'm on my own. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid of failing. I worry constantly about the economy. To not know how I'm paying for my books this semester, or how my parents will pay for my tuition next semester, terrifies me. To not know how long it's going to take me to pay off all my loans terrifies me. To not know if I'm even going to find a job when I graduate terrifies me. In a world where people are losing jobs left and right, where unemployment is on the rise, and no one is hiring...how is a recent college graduate going to find work?
What makes me sick is the people who DO have jobs. There exist highly competent people with masters degrees who are out of work. good, strong workers who have held the same job for over 20 years are out of work because of the current state of the economy. However, there are people without a college education who hold a job with insurance and benefits. people who don't work hard, are uneducated, and poor workers. How is this fair?
I want to go back in time. I want to be 10 years old. when I wasn't concerned about money or the economy or loans or holding a job. when I didn't have to worry about how I would pay my rent or my tuition. I don't want to grow up yet. I want to be a kid without responsibilities again.

Hopefully President-Elect Obama can clean this economy up. I need to regain faith in something. 12 more days.

2008-12-26T18:28:00.002-06:00

I went to church on Christmas Eve for the first time since...last Christmas Eve? probably.

Now, I was born, baptized, raised, and confirmed Catholic. I used to be very involved in my church, until certain circumstances, and then I wasn't. It's a long story.

However, in all that time, I never considered myself to be religious. More spiritual. And I still feel that way.

I don't like the idea of religion. Religions start arguments, fights, and wars. Religions group people together under a belief that not everyone shares. While religions may bring some people together, they place a huge separation between groups of people.

I don't believe in God. Not the Catholic idea of a God, anyway. Not the God that you should fear and be submissive to.

I believe in a higher power. I believe in someone who watches over you, helps you. I believe in someone who you talk to when no one else exists.

However, while I may not agree with or believe the same things that are being preached to me at mass, it was nice being a church again. I DO enjoy the community feeling of being there.

It's nice to see that the same people are doing the readings. It's nice to reconnect with old friends. It's nice to be a part of a community.

Does this mean I'll go back to church? No.
However, it's nice to remember how I got to where I am today.

And I'm liking where I'm at.

so, here's to you...

2008-12-04T17:33:00.002-06:00

Today, my sympathy goes to those select FEW college students who have a busy end of their semester.
While most of us are out partying every night and living stress-free lives, poor YOU are stuck inside the library. studying.
Because, oh my gosh, you have FINALS?! i've never had to experience THAT before. That's so awful. I feel so bad for you.
And wait...what's that?! You have final PROJECTS due too?? that's just un-heard of! Those damn professors. Piling all that work on YOU and no other students.
And papers to write too?? You have got to just be making this up now. No college student has EVER written an essay before. You are the first. and the ONLY.
PLEASE.
tell me more about how much work you have to do. I'm intrigued. I've never heard of people having busy, stressful ends to their semester before!
Oh, wait. EVEN BETTER would be if you took a PICTURE of your assignments and posted it on Facebook! So that way, EVERYONE will know how busy you are and have sympathy for you.

So, here's to you, unnaturally busy college student! No one has ever had to endure what you have to endure! You have all my sympathy and I wish you the best of luck! And if you get ANOTHER assignment, or spend ALL NIGHT in the library...PLEASE let me know. I'll be sitting around doing nothing and will be ready to listen, because you are the only one with assignments.

on a completely un-political note...

2008-11-08T00:21:00.003-06:00

i've decided that being a good person gets your nowhere.

being a nice, decent, caring person isn't worth it.

everyone is only looking out for themselves. no one REALLY cares about anyone else.
so, being that friend who will RUN down a flight of stairs on a broken foot, because your best friend is upset...sitting there with them while they cry....doesn't really mean anything.
because, at the end of the day, if they're happy, then you're an afterthought.

i will always be taken advantage of. i will always be walked all over.
i will always be that friend who is willing to do ANYTHING for her friends. i will sit with you and listen while you cry. and you will never hear me say a damn word about my life and my problems.
i will talk you though every situation. every break up. every heartache. every little crisis.
knowing, full well, that the SECOND everything is back to normal. the second that you're happy again...you'll be back out with those people who treated you like shit.
and i will be home. by myself.

because no one cares. not really. you need someone to go to when you feel like shit. someone who you know will always be there. no questions asked. no judgment. nothing.
will ALWAYS be there.

but you don't care. not really.

but it's not going to change. ever.
i can't stop being me.
i will never stop throwing birthday parties or making midnight "happy birthday" phone calls...even when i'm miles away. even though, when my birthday rolls around, i know i'll sit home alone.
i will never stop sitting with you when you're upset. leaving a party and my friends to talk to you. sitting with you for hours while you cry. sitting on the phone for hours. even though, when i'm upset, you don't even answer your phone.

yeah.
being a good person isn't worth it. because you will always just be taken for granted.
no one cares.
not really.

nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change

2008-11-05T13:07:00.002-06:00

today i woke up in a new America.

today i woke up with a feeling of pride, relief, and hope.
hope that the future will be better. hope that we can change tomorrow. hope that we will change the world.

today i woke up and wore my Barack Obama t-shirt with pride.
i was proud when an African-American man on the street corner and I shared a smile. knowing that, together, we had made history. a smile of hope for a better tomorrow for both of us.
i was proud when a fellow supporter, also wearing a t-shirt, said good morning to me. a stranger to me. but we both knew it was a good morning. it was a new morning.

as a twenty-year-old American, i have grown up in a world of cynicism, doubt, and hate.
cynicism about the world. doubt that it will ever change. and hatred of our government.
since i was twelve years old, i have lived under the presidency of George W. Bush. in all the time that i have actually followed, understood, and held an opinion about politics, i have been under the failed policies of President Bush.
i have been told my entire life, by a middle-to-upper-class, middle-aged, white man...that i can be anything i want to be. i can achieve anything i put my mind to. i have been told by the person who always has the upper hand, that opportunity is always there.

last night, for the first time, i believed it all.
last night, history changed.
last night, the one without the opportunities, money, and privileged upbringing prevailed.

we CAN do anything that we believe.
we CAN change history.
we CAN change the world.
YES. WE. CAN.

Thank you, President-Elect Barack Obama. You have instilled a sense of pride, hope, and belief in me. Something that should have come long ago.

Today, I woke up in a new America.

BARACK OBAMA: 44TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

2008-11-04T22:17:00.002-06:00

i'm actually in tears as i write this.
for the first time in...i don't even know how long anymore...i feel like i have hope.
i have faith in our country. i have hope for the next generation.
i am proud to be an American.

today is a life-changing day.
today we made history.

and i could not be more proud to say that i got to use my voice, vote, and help make history.

thank you America. for speaking up. speaking clearly. and helping to change this world.
nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.

thank you, Barack Obama. You made history. You did it.

It all comes down to education...

2008-10-21T22:42:00.002-05:00

Obama:
Occidental College - Two years.
Columbia University - B.A. political science with a specialization in international relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

& Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in history and B.A. in political science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

vs.

McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank 894 out of 899

& Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in journalism

...who do you feel more confident about??

Oh, politics...

2008-10-20T18:59:00.007-05:00

If anyone reads this, I'm pretty certain they're aware of my political stance.
I've given my two-cents about Obama, Palin, and McCain...
However, at this point, the outcome is up to the American people...and to be perfectly honest...my faith in the American public is dwindling.
Granted, I know that videos like the one I've posted below do not accurately represent the entire American public...but my fear is that there are far more people like this.

If you are not educated in a subject, please do not voice your opinion about it. Do you research. Stop spreading falsehoods.

By now, everyone has heard about the woman who stood up at a McCain rally and stated that she cannot trust Obama because she's read about him and he's an Arab. Sure, McCain quickly took the mic from her and corrected her, stating that Obama is NOT an Arab and is a "decent family man and citizen" (...as if the two are mutually exclusive? Don't get me started on that one).

It's people like this that make Americans look so dumb. I don't know what this woman had "read" or where she gets her information, but clearly she has not put much time into learning about the candidates. And, even if he WERE an Arab...what are your thoughts on his policies?? Because, I'm pretty sure that's a lot more important.

I'm sick of people supporting Palin because she's a woman. Especially Hilary supporters who switched to Palin because of her gender. Are they aware that Palin and Clinton share NO common ground when it comes to any issues? But, that doesn't matter, right? Because they're both female so they're the same.

I'm sick of people saying that Obama hates white people (excuse me, he's half white). I'm sick of people hating him because of his skin color or because of rumors they hear. PLEASE do your research before you vote.

I was listening to the radio and they had a segment called "Positive Politics Friday" and people could call in and say why they're supporting someone for a positive reason (they could say nothing negative about the other candidate). I though it was a really good idea.
One man called it and he said "I'm voting straight Republican because stopping abortion is the only issue that matters right now."
...yes. forget the failing economy...and I hear that there's some war or something going on...but that's not important. Let's focus on stopping abortion.

I understand that I'm not going to agree with everyone, and I appreciate other's opinions. If you have a real, educated, well-thought-out reason to believe what you believe, then more power to you. But if you're against Obama because he's black, hates whites, and is clearly a terrorist, then please...stop talking.

four things...

2008-09-15T01:14:00.005-05:00

1. GO CUBS!!! BIG Z with his NO-NO tonight?! First Cubs no hitter since 1972!! We're making history this season! And it's just going to keep on happening!! MAGIC NUMBER = 7!!!!! Nothing could ruin the feeling of an amazing Cubs game! =]

2. I'm a horrible student. I should be reading and writing the 6 page paper that is due tomorrow, but instead I came home after rehearsal and make mac&cheese and fucked around on the internet for awhile...catching up on all my political news...that being said...

3. Sarah Palin scares the shit out of me. Did anyone else catch her interview with Charlie Gibson?? Hey Palin...what's the Bush Doctrine?? I have absolutely ZERO faith in her ability to hold any political office. Go back to your career goal from two years ago and be a tv news anchor. That's really ALL that you're qualified for.

4. On the subject of Sarah Palin...did anyone catch the Tina Fey/Amy Poehler SNL skit?? It's hilarious. ~~Here, watch:~~
edit: youtube was forced to take all these videos down because of copyright laws. Check out www.nbc.com to see them all. (there are 3 now, i believe.) Hilarious. All of them.

Sarah Palin is Right and Wrong

2008-09-04T13:20:00.002-05:00

...and by "right" i mean "conservative"

to go hand-in-hand with my thoughts last night, I found this article on cnn.com today that I thought was incredibly well written. It was written by Hilary Rosen. Enjoy!

-------------

"Warning! This pundit isn't feeling the same way as many of my colleagues about Sarah Palin. She is being attacked for her lack of experience for the job and for whether she should be putting her family first instead of her career.

This just isn't that unusual in my book. And the more it goes on, the more uncomfortable I feel with that message.

Let's reflect. In her acceptance speech, we saw a woman who was compelling, charming and aggressively partisan. She succeeded in demonstrating that she is a regular mom who came to government to make a difference.

And she had that crowd in the convention hall eating out of her hands. Celebrity? It will be hard for the Republicans to attack Sen. Barack Obama for his celebrity now that they have one of their own.

A superstar of the radical right was made Wednesday night. And she may also have made some headway with those who buy her folksiness without knowing the extreme nature of her actual policy views.

So where does this leave us as Democrats in making the case against Sarah Palin and her running mate for president? What is the choice now for the American people? There is a really strong case to be made against the McCain/Palin ticket and Democrats need to make it the right way, right away.

I am a woman who someone took a chance on several years ago when they gave me a job that had only previously been done by old white guys. Experience? How do you get any if no one takes a chance on you? And the decision to take a chance can be instinctive, as John McCain said.
And what about the argument that she is a negligent mother who will be distracted from her important role? I am a mother who constantly feels the pressure from others about whether I am fit to be a parent, whether I put my kids first often enough and whether my children get enough of my attention. Who has the right to judge my family?

My grandmother always said, "You can't tell time on someone else's clock." Judgments about people's personal lives are better left unsaid and unrealized.

So why then do I think that Sarah Palin would be a terrible vice president? Because I also think that John McCain would be a terrible president.

I don't care about how Sarah Palin or John McCain take care of their families. I care about how their policy choices affect my family and millions of other Americans.

McCain and Palin get their health insurance paid for by the government (hers in Alaska and his in Washington). Yet they oppose giving the nearly 46 million uninsured Americans the same access to affordable health care.

John McCain's kids don't have to worry about paying for college. Yet he has opposed every single education support program to help others.

McCain and Palin say they will stand up to oil companies. Yet the only energy policy they support gives millions of dollars in tax breaks to oil companies to do more drilling and he has opposed every piece of federal legislation to explore alternative fuel sources.

McCain and Palin say they will revamp how Washington does business. Yet his campaign is filled with lobbyists and she has cooperated with Sen. Ted Stevens in funneling federal money for useless projects in Alaska for years. And McCain and Palin have no solutions for Americans worrying about their jobs in a fragile economy.

McCain and Palin want us to leave their families alone. Yet they want to make rules for our families by eliminating our right to make our own choices over abortion, eliminate our access to family planning education or domestic partner benefits, and our freedom from discrimination.
They want to control what our kids learn in school about sex and about science. In short, through the policies they promote and the judges they support, they want the government to have more control over our private lives than at any time in history.

McCain and Palin now say their campaign is about change, too. Yet the only real change they have proposed is a change from a suit to a skirt in the vice president's office and one man fighting a misplaced war for another in the Oval Office.

That seems to me to be the right reason to oppose them in November. It's not the process or the people, it's what they represent. This unconventional choice of a vice presidential nominee by John McCain won't result in a win in November, because McCain and Palin are the wrong choice for the country."

No Way. No How. No McCain.

2008-09-04T01:02:00.004-05:00

Watching the RNC is making me upset.

I like to watch it because I believe that you cannot properly argue a point until you've heard both sides. I'm not going to read strictly liberal-biased articles...I'll read the conservative ones too. Because the only way you can argue is if you know and understand your opponent's position.
that being said...

let's talk Sarah Palin, eh?

The Republicans decided she should be McCain's running mate because, well, Barack has that whole African-American thing going for him. The Republicans needed a gimmick too...because isn't that what this election is about? Superficial gimmicks instead of actual politics and the issues affecting our country everyday? Right, Republicans?

So now the Republicans have a woman. An anti-feminist woman. A woman who opposes abortion even in the cases of rape, incest, or danger to the life of the mother. A woman who doesn't fight for equal pay for equal jobs. So, the fact that she's a woman doesn't really mean much...it's not like she's going to fight for women's rights. She might as well be an old, white man.

Now, the Republicans have enough going against them in this election. They have a 72-year-old candidate who has had cancer and honestly looks like he could fall over and die any second. We have an economy that is going down the toilet, fast and they have a candidate who has agreed with President Bush 95% of the time in the last year. They have a candidate who is endorsed by the worst President in our nation's history. They have a candidate who is getting ready to serve Bush's 3rd term.

But because they seem to be hiding the fact that Senator McCain is Bush's clone, all they rely on are their attacks against Senator Obama. And we all know their biggest attack is that Obama is too young and too inexperienced to run this country.

Well, congratulations Republicans. You have successfully found someone YOUNGER and MORE INEXPERIENCED that our candidate, and in turn lost your biggest attack. You may argue that Gov. Palin isn't running for President, but for VP. However, with a candidate who probably won't even live out his entire term, we have to be prepared for the very real idea that, if McCain is elected, she will be our president at some point.

Let's compare them, shall we?

Sarah Palin is 44 years old. The extent of her schooling is a Bachelor's Degree in Journalism. She served as a city council member in Wasilla, Alaska (with a population of just over 6,000 people) for 4 years, became the Mayor of Wasilla for 6 years, and has been the Governor of Alaska for 20 months.

Barack Obama is 47 years old. He has his B.A. in Political Science with a specialization in International Relations. He graduated magna cum laude from Harvard Law School where he served as an editor for the prestigious Harvard Law Review. He worked as a community organizer for 3 years, served as a member of the Illinois Senate for 7 years, and has been the Junior Senator from Illinois for over 3 years.

Now, please tell me. WHO has less experience?

I COULD jump into the other petty arguments, but I agree with Barack Obama. This campaign is no place to attack the opponent's families. It is not relevant and it is not necessary. Stick to the facts, stick to the issues. And the fact is, putting McCain/Palin into the White House would cause a huge issue for this country.

I will end with a quote from this country's potential future VP:

"As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day? I'm used to being very productive and working real hard in an administration. We want to make sure that that VP slot would be a fruitful type of position."
- Sarah Palin

Dear Mr. President...

2008-06-30T13:57:00.003-05:00

Dear Mr. President,
Come take a walk with me.
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?
How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?

Dear Mr. President,
Were you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say no child is left behind?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell.

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye?

Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way

Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away

Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box

Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work

How do you sleep at night?
How do you walk with your head held high?

Dear Mr. President,
You'd never take a walk with me.
Would you?

the customer is always right?

2008-06-16T00:43:00.003-05:00

today i work, i compiled a list in my head of things that i encounter at work that cause me to hate people.

1. when a guy a girl walk up and he orders for her. "...and SHE'LL have..." - ugh. im pretty fucking sure she can speak for herself.

2. when a girl and guy walk up and only she orders...and then when its time to pay, she just turns at looks at the guy, who reluctantly pulls out his wallet and pays for her - i just wanna shout at him "DUMP HER." oh goodness. i get chivalry and paying for the girl, but the girl should be EXPECTING it. that's disgusting.

3. situations like this:
me - what size would you like?
girl - (turns to guy) what size do you want?
guy - original
girl - (to me) original
me - would you like a free boost?
girl - (to guy) do you want a free boost?

...etc. you get the idea. CLEARLY, he is standing right there. yes, i can hear him. you don't need to relate his answers to me. thanks for being overbearing.

4. when people hand me handfuls of money. not like 5 singles, flattened out and easy to count. but when its just crumples of bills. - REALLY?! how are you even carrying that around like that? i just don't understand.

5. people who practically whisper. - do you HEAR the music? do you HEAR the 5 blenders going? do you HEAR the entire staff yelling to each other? do you HEAR the crowded lobby? ...now, do you think i can understand your order when you practically whisper at me??

6. when you call out an order and no one responds. and so you call it out again, louder, and the person standing right in front of you gives you a bitchy look like "yea. im right-fucking-here" - im sorry. i dont know you. i dont know your name. how the fuck am i supposed to know that you are lindsay with an original strawberry wild with an energy boost??

7. and on that note, there are OTHER drinks than a Strawberry Wild with an energy boost. i understand that you are unable to think for yourself, but just because the 3 friends you came with ordered this drink, doesnt mean you have to.

8. oh. and when one teeny-bopper orders an original strawberry wild with energy boost. and then the next teeny-bopper comes up.
me- what size do you want?
teenybopper - (giggles. turns to friend. gets friend's attention) what size did you get? (giggles more)

and then literally just orders whatever their friend ordered. after re-asking them everything i ask. its annoying.

9. teeny boppers in general. - im really glad that you dressed up in your sluttiest clothes and put on too much makeup...to go to the streets of woodfield. seriously. where are your mothers? i would have NEVER been allowed out of my house looking like that when i was 14.

10. situations like this:
me - what would you like today?
person - *long long pause* uhhh....strawberry wild
me - which size would you like?
person - *even longer pause* uhh....sixteen....no, original...no, sixteen. yea. the small one.
me - and would you like a free boost in that?
person - whats a free boost?
me - *explains*
person -*long long long long pause* oh. uh. no. no thanks.
me - *gives total price. asks for name. get money*
person - *long pause* ...is it too late to add a boost??

the end.
i love jamba. i hate stupid people.

peace.
love.
jamba.
haha =]

Change We Can Believe In

2008-06-07T16:14:00.004-05:00

This is a couple days overdue, but i work too much.

Barack Obama has clenched the Democratic nomination.

On top of being an inspirational candidate, a strong leader, and a human who is filled with passion, drive, and determination...Barack Obama is probably THE most eloquent speaker I've ever seen.

As someone who has stood only a few feet away from him as he spoke, I understand first-hand just how powerful he is. He truly knows how to fill a room with energy and hope.

But anyone who saw his speech on Tuesday understands this too.

SEEING and HEARING him speak are what makes him so amazing. However, the words used are genius.

"Sixteen months have passed since we first stood together on the steps of the Old State Capitol in Springfield, Illinois. Thousands of miles have been traveled. Millions of voices have been heard. And because of what you said – because you decided that change must come to Washington; because you believed that this year must be different than all the rest; because you chose to listen not to your doubts or your fears but to your greatest hopes and highest aspirations, tonight we mark the end of one historic journey with the beginning of another – a journey that will bring a new and better day to America. Tonight, I can stand before you and say that I will be the Democratic nominee for President of the United States. "

"America, this is our moment. This is our time. Our time to turn the page on the policies of the past. Our time to bring new energy and new ideas to the challenges we face. Our time to offer a new direction for the country we love."

So, this November, Clinton and Obama supporters must come together and elect change into Washington. We don't need another Bush. We don't need more war. We don't need a leader who doesn't know how to inspire the country, who doesn't know how to build energy, who doesn't know how to create change. We don't need a leader who doesn't know how to restore hope to a country who has forgotten how to hope.

"This was the moment – this was the time – when we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves, and our highest ideals. "

thank you...

2008-06-02T00:23:00.008-05:00

im not sure who all reads this, but i felt that i needed to send out a tribute to two people. i've recently decided to remove (or TRY to...) the negative energy from my life. Lately, i've been thinking that i'm not a happy or fun person anymore...but then i realized that it's only when i'm with certain people...so why stick around with people who aren't making me the best version of myself? I need to learn to be strong enough to walk away.

Fortunately, i'm lucky enough to be blessed with some truly amazing people in my life. The people who make me laugh and enjoy life...and who are always there for me when things go badly with the other type of people.

First, is to Selvin. My boo. Booger. Mustard. Brick face. Chez Borger. Smellvin. (we have a lot of stupid nicknames...and the list keeps growin). I legitimately don't know what I'd do without him around. He definitely keeps me sane and calm...knowing exactly what to say and do to handle my freak-outs. But in addition to being my strength at times, he's also the most fun person to be around. He's almost a bigger goof than i am and always knows how to make me laugh. Plus, he lives and breathes music and dance, just like me. He's introduced me to so much good shit that I never would have even heard of without him. So thanks boo =] you're, without a doubt, one of the best friends i've ever had in my life. I can't wait to sleep on your couch next year! haha. Peace. Love. Music. Dance.

The other is this girl. My soulmate. The ONLY girlfriend that i've had since we were kids. The only one who hasn't stabbed me in the back or disrespected me. Of course we've had our ups and downs, but the fact that we've become so close again this past year means the world to me. I don't know what I would have done this past semester, especially, without her on the other end of the phone. Boys come in and out of our lives, but we always have each others back though each shitty break-up. The stuff we share with each other, no one else would understand...but this girl gets me. Our drives (to you know where...haha!) are some of the best times ever. "Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates...and guys are just people to have fun with." Laur, you're the best friend a girl could ask for. You know that you deserve the world and you're strong enough to get it. Thanks for being there through all the freak-outs, drama-filled stories, drunken walks home on the phone (biggest rice krispie treat EVER), drunken walks home on U of I's campus (and falling in the middle of the street), emotional crises, laughing that will give us rock-hard abs, and the millions of tears shed...you're amzing =]

things i've learned, realized, decided...

2008-05-31T11:14:00.003-05:00

1. the only people who you need in your life are the ones who need you in theirs. so, be strong enough to walk away.

2. a girl is lost without her girlfriends. and i have some of the best =]

3. cherry limeade smoothies are the greatest things ever. EVER. i guarantee it...and i am a smoothie expert.

4. Sex & the City was fabulous, no matter what anyone else says. It was perfect.

5. Florida is spelled like the rapper Flo Rida. And now i'll never misspell it again =]

6. summer is for excessive sleeping. i'm taking full advantage...

7. i really really really want to learn how to play guitar. i need to be able to jam to relax.

8. gas prices suck. especially because my favorite thing to do is drive, late at night, listening to some chill music, clearing my head. can't do that at $4.25/gallon =(

9. i LOVE the cubs. (okay, so i always knew this...) but HELL YEA. they're rockin it this season. THIS is the cubbies that i know they can be =]

10. you know you work at jamba when you come home reeking of citrus and are covered in orange juice/sticky from sherbet...and you realize that the only thing you've put into your body that day is 2 smoothies and like 12 matcha shots because you were working for 11 hours =]

P.S. I Love You

2008-05-28T00:08:00.002-05:00

I've always prided myself on being deeper than a stupid, shallow movie. I like the *great* movies which make you think about life and society and the bigger picture. You know, the award winners.

But, I am still an almost-20-year-old-girl. So I love romantic comedies. I can't help it. It's part of my programming. But I haven't seen a GREAT romantic comedy in a long long time.

I love Love Actually and could watch that movie over and over. But until tonight I hadn't found another movie like that. But my soulmate and best friend came over tonight and we watched P.S. I Love You.

Now, you can give me as much crap as you want about how you think it's a shitty movie because, well, you're so cultured and would never be caught dead liking a movie that would jeopardize your reputation that you've built up upon yourself...but I loved it.

I honestly cried...continuously...throughout the entire movie. I don't think I've ever cried like that because of a movie before. My throat hurt from crying so much and I was left with a giant pile of kleenex.

I know how cynical I am. I know how jaded I've become. I know that I continuously argue that love doesn't exist. There is no way it can. I've never seen it. I question daily if I ever truly felt it.

But the truth is (are you ready for this?) that I wish and hope and pray with every fiber of my being that true love...great love...is out there.

I know that this is a Hollywood movie. Stuff like this doesn't happen in real life. It's scripted and planned out and not real. But, I just want a taste of it. I want to experience someone who changes my life...for the better. I want to kiss someone and have it be the end of the world as they knew it.

But I'm not one to compromise. So, until someone comes and sweeps me off my feet, I'll go back to being a cynical non-believer...and live vicariously though watching P.S. I Love You excessively...

you just have to know where to look

2008-05-08T01:02:00.002-05:00

lately i've felt like i'm completely devoid of any true friends.
but in reality, its just that the people i see the most often are the ones who disrespect me the most. and that's really unfortunate. i put my faith in the wrong people.

turns out, you just have to know where to look.

tonight, i got to hang out with some girlfriends who i havent gotten to see in FOREVER because we've all been so busy. it was fabulous. a great night. and they invited me out Friday night and told me that I have a place on their futon next year if I need it.

I guess I DO have some true girlfriends =]

and then, of course, there is my Lauren. I would be completely lost without that girl. The ONLY girlfriend that I still have since elementary school. its just really relieving to know I have her to come home to this summer.

and jb and i have started talking again. real talking. not fighting. i feel no jealousy. i feel no anger. we've finally moved past it all. and that's the best feeling in the world.

selvin - my baby boo. my facebook husband. he's always there to listen to me when im stressed or upset. he's dealt with my venting and complaining. i honestly would not have made it though this semeter without him. and i won't make it though next year without his couch =]

i maintain that you just have to know where to look. sometimes people (meaning...me) get so focused on the negative that it overshadows the positive. i have so many amazing friends. so many people who truly care about me and are there for me. i can't let the haters get me down.

i'm a very negative person

2008-05-01T01:36:00.002-05:00

i've come to realize.
so, i'm gonna work on my positivity.

things that made me smile today:

1. Watched a movie in my Drama Lit class - Angels in America very interesting. Modern. AIDS. homosexuality. drug addiction. it's like RENT! minus the music.

2. Got out of my LAST EVER 2-hour Journalism class after 20 minutes

3. Hung out with my faux-husband for almost 2 hours =] ...meaning, i distracted him while he was working in the radio office. but its okay. because we have to make sacrifices to find time to see each other. so it made me super happy.

4. Advertising project is DONE. and turned in. and out of my hands. and it turned out better than i had expected...

5. Got out of my 1.25-hour Advertising class after 15 minutes. which meant that I worked for an hour longer. which means more money.

6. Free pizza and hanging out for an hour during rehearsal with joe and jess. which meant one less hour of rehearsing. and one more hour of hanging out and laughing.

there. see? i can like things too.
i'm ignoring the fact that my job pisses me off SO much. and that i had a 5 hour rehearsal tonight. and that i'm stressed for EVERYTHING that i need to finish by this weekend. eek!

but. finals and final projects are stressful. but soon, it will be summer. and i love summer. and i'll be home. and smiling.

peace

a non-exhaustive, unordered list of things that i currently hate and/or am annoyed with

2008-03-28T12:29:00.003-05:00

...that's a long title.
anyway,

1. snow. when its practically april. where the hell is the warm weather?

2. people who walk rreeaallllyy slow. if i step on you when im walking to class, it's you're own damn fault.

3. cleaning my bathroom. on my ONLY free day. when i could be sleeping or going out.

4. disrespectful roommates. ...enough said. if you know me, you understand. and you've probably gotten an earful about it

5. my drama literature class. seriously. puts me to sleep. shouldnt we be discussing? rather than having you read it line-by-line and giving us a pointless plot outline of what we've already read?

6. my philosophy class.

7. no, scratch that. PHILOSOPHY in general. yes, that tree exists. i dont care how long you discuss it for. in the end, the tree exists. go hit your head against it multiple times if you don't believe me.

8. my schedule. this falls under the "annoyed with" category because i love being involved and i love theatre...but i'm SO tired. im doing too much and it's killing me.

9. selfish people who only think about themselves and their boyfriend. and who don't do anything productive with their life because they've already dropped a class so they're taking like 12 credits and working like 6 hours a week, but still can't manage to pick up after themselves, take the garbage out once in awhile, wash their damn dishes, or contribute in any way. also, the same selfish people who are disrespectful of other people because they're too busy being irresponsible with their lives. ....this is completely hypothetical.... =]

10. the new "people you might know" thing on facebook. it's just a new level of creepy...

YES. WE. CAN.

2008-02-12T00:03:00.000-06:00

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.
Yes we can.
It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom.
Yes we can.
It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.
Yes we can.
It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballots; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.
Yes we can to justice and equality.
Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity.
Yes we can heal this nation.
Yes we can repair this world.
Yes we can.
We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics...they will only grow louder and more dissonant.
We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.
But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.
Now the hopes of the little girl who goes to a public school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea --Yes. We. Can.

"And where we are met with cynicism and doubt and fear and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of the American people in three simple words -- YES. WE. CAN." --Barack Obama

cynical and logical

2008-02-07T01:46:00.000-06:00

i want to be single.
i mean, i enjoy being single.
and i don't want a boyfriend.

why?

because i've seen WAY too many people throw their lives away because of a relationship.

take example one:
girl is good student. girl works hard.
girl gets new boyfriend. new boyfriend sleeps in girls room EVERY night. girl starts getting about 2 hours of sleep every night.
girl doesn't start homework until well after midnight.
girl's grades slip.
girl fails out of college
[okay, so those last two aren't true...yet]
all because girl would rather spend all her time with new boyfriend.

therefore, new relationship...one that, in all honesty, probably wont last because, well, it's college...is going to compromise girl's ability to get good grades, graduate with honors, get a good job and have a successful life.

am i over-exaggerating? maybe.

but i throw myself into everything i do. i'm going to be incredibly successful in whatever i do, because i won't let myself be anything less.

and i'm definitely not about to let some random guy get in the way of that.

example two:
girl has long-term boyfriend.
boyfriend is kind of a jerk.
girl is too afraid to leave him, so she stays with him.
this hinders girl from enjoying college, making new friends, having great experiences.
all because boyfriend is sufficating her life.
girl dumps boyfriend.
girl is MUCH happier, has a lot more fun, and has her life back.
coincidence? i think not.

example three:
girl has long-term boyfriend.
girl spend ALL her time with long-term boyfriend.
[long-term boyfriend has no personality]
girl stops talking to best girl-friend because of boyfriend.
girl and boyfriend break up.
girl goes running back to best friend.
girl gets new boyfriend.
girl abandons best friend.

i WILL NOT be that.
ive seen wwaayy too many 2-week relationships come in the way of lifetime friendships.
whats more important?

last example:
boy meets girl.
girl is slutty.
girl is pretty.
boy dates girl because of sluttiness and prettieness.
girl is without intelligence or personality.
boy gives up lifelong friendship because of insecurities of dumb, boring, but slutty and pretty new girlfriend.

i think i've proved my point.
case closed.

also, when did it become acceptable for roommate #1's boyfriend to move into their room without consulting with roommate #2? now, roommate #2 may not care that boyfriend is over a lot, but when boyfriend has his own toothbrush here? *rolls eyes*

relationships disgust me.
i'm too cynical for my own good.

what's your story??

2008-01-24T12:58:00.000-06:00

We talked in one of my classes yesterday about how everyone has a story.
Everyone has a backstory, something other people can relate to, something that makes them human.

There are websites and books DEDICATED to telling your story.
www.postsecret.com
"Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs"
Story Corps - on NPR or www.storycorps.net
"Listening is an Act of Love" by David Isay

Then, we had everyone write down an unusual fact about themselves...something that not many people knew. Just to get a small glimpse at their story.

And people write down things like "I worked for Conan O'Brian" and "I have a metal rod in my back" and other interesting, unusual facts. Facts that make you realize that they DO have this amazing story to tell.

And then I look at myself.

I have yet to experience anything extraordinary...

If you were to tell your life story today...would anyone even listen??

Heaven's not a place that you go when you die

2007-12-16T20:25:00.000-06:00

It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive...

My heaven:

1. Driving and belting out The Tide by The Spill Canvas with Carl and Jake
2. Sitting on my bathroom floor with Katie at 4am, drunk, laughing, and rehydrating.
3. Rupert's Clubhouse.
4. Snow football at midnight.
5. Laying in bed, talking all night.

...So live for the moment and take this advice, live by every word
Love is just a hoax so forget everything that you have heard

i have this sudden urge to drink...heavily...

2007-12-08T17:58:00.000-06:00

its funny how you think you're completely over something...until it comes and slaps you across the face.

or until it comes and slaps itself across your newsfeed on facebook. ha. oh, technology.

now, he = in a relationship with her
me = emotional mess

why can't i rise above this??

he walks away unscarred and untouched. he walks away unaffected.
i walk away with trust issues. i walk away with the inability to get close to ANY guy. i walk away hurt, confused, and completely changed.

why is this fair?
the one who was wrong can just walk away and move on and lead a normal life.
and me? i'm scarred.

i'm just done with men in general. done. they're all the fucking same.

fuck you.

2007-10-29T19:01:00.000-05:00

If you needed love
Well then ask for love
Could have given love
Now I'm taking love
And it's not my fault
Cause you both deserve
What is coming now
So don't say a word

yes, i'm learning again

2007-10-22T02:05:00.000-05:00

1. hookah bars = amazing fun. hookah = my new favorite.

2. chicago = home. the second i graduate, i'm back down there. i couldn't imagine any other life.

3. i am not a very affectionate person. in fact, touchy-feeling crap makes me super uncomfortable.

4. my boss is more immature than i am, and she's 40. honestly needs to come to terms with her age. YOU ARE NOT 15 YEARS OLD. STOP TALKING LIKE IT. and, goddamnit, start acting more professionally.

5. i'm done dealing with everyone else's problems. yes, i'm a good friend. but if you take advantage of that by bitching to me about EVERYTHING, i won't be such a good friend anymore. savvy?

6. as much fun as i'm having being single, and trust me...i AM, there are definitely times when all i want to do is lay with the one person in the world who i am truly comfortable with...

7. i'm definitely growing up. learning how to manage my time and act 100% more responsibly. and my midterm grades definitely reflected that.

8. i'm proud of myself for the first time in awhile.

9. i prefer sleeping by myself to sleeping with someone else. i need my space.

10. i get super anxious on city buses. i freak out a little and it's not fun.

11. i think i'm claustrophobic. i hate being completely engulfed by someone's arms, i hate feeling trapped, and i hyperventilate in the shower when the shower curtain causes the space to shrink.

12. awkward conversations are becoming more and more frequent in my life.

13. do NOT make out with your good friends. it leads to being in the same room with that person for 3 hours with other friends, and being completely ignored...

14. if you give a guy you're number...he just might call...AWKWARD.

one thing that emily ISN'T learning:

1. THE CHINESE SONG DYNASTY. yea, i'm going to fail my quiz tomorrow...

i'm jaded, stupid, and wreckless

2007-09-25T00:18:00.000-05:00

so tonight i've come to the conclusion that i don't have the mother gene in me. i really never do want to have kids.
i don't have the bridal gene in me. i really don't think i'll ever get married. the idea of spending the rest of my life with ONE person just makes me uneasy.

i thought i had gotten over my commitment issues, but maybe i just did it FOR him. and now that i'm not with him anymore...just the IDEA of dating one person is just not appealing to me. at all.

my roomie and her boyfriend (who are so "in love"' ugh.) were telling me that "i'd find someone who fits with me" and who has my random sarcastic sense of humor and who gets me. and i was like "fuck that. i don't believe in love"

where did this person come from? i'm completely cynical and jaded. i dont believe in love. i don't believe in marriage. i never want kids. i don't feel comfortable with commitment.

i really wish i believed in something.

My Religious Views...

2007-09-21T22:25:00.000-05:00

I believe in the Chicago Cubs.

I love being a Cubs fan, living in Milwaukee right now.
I love the dirty looks I get when I wear my Cubs hat or a Cubs shirt.
I love passing someone on the street who is wearing a Brewer's hat/shirt. You can just feel the tension.
I love walking down the road and passing someone else in their Cubs gear. We'll both smile. It's like we're sharing a secret.

People always ask WHY i'm a Cubs fan. They never win, and when they do, they manage to fuck it up in the last minute. Aren't I sick of waiting around for a day that hasn't happened in 99 years?

It's because being a Cubs fan is respectable. People don't hate the Cubs like they hate the Yankees or Sox.
It's because Cubs fans get each other. We all dream of the day when the Cubs will win the World Series, but unlike every other team's fans, we don't turn away from our team when they don't win.
It's because we can still fill Wrigley even if we're losing, but sox fans can't fill the Cell even thought they've won the World Series in the past 2 years.

It's Wrigley Field
It's yelling "root root root for the CUBBIES" during the 7th inning stretch
It's the stories and the history
It's dressing in Cubbie Blue
It's knowing what the 14 and 10 in left field and the 23 and 26 in right represent
It's singing "GO CUBS GO!" after a win

It's a CUBS FAN thing.

you wouldn't understand.

things i learned at u of i...

2007-09-18T21:13:00.000-05:00

1. shot box may SEEM like a good life decision at the time...it's not.

2. every girlfriend has one girl that they don't trust their boyfriend with. for her, it's me. interesting.

3. best friends don't have to talk every day...but the ability to pick up right where you left off is the test of a true friendship =] *soulmate*

4. falling on your face in the middle of the street = very humbling experience...

5. the sign of a good night is when you're still drunk/hungover until 4pm the next day...

6. i am now a huge illini football fan =]

7. Zas = delicious

8. i cannot wait until i'm 21 and can get into the bars in milwaukee, because going to the bars is amazing fun.

9. being a girl rocks because boys buy you drinks and pay your cover =]

10. peeing in a bar bathroom, in a stall without a door, is probably the most fearless thing i've ever done.

11. blonde guys always catch my eye...

12. i have self control even when i'm drunk. that's probably a good thing to know.

13. im a sucker for kisses on the forehead...

14. being single is exactly what i need to be right now.

15. i love my friends who go to u of i and i miss them terribly when i'm not with them.

16. if i were to actually go to u of i...i would probably DIE. one weekend is amazing, but i don't think i could handle partying like that every weekend...

here's to the best weekend i've had in a long time...with the best friend i've had for a lifetime...

best friend

2007-09-17T19:15:00.000-05:00

Soulmate - someone who you love, trust, and know is always going to be a part of your life.

today i feel...

2007-09-13T21:31:00.000-05:00

things that make me smile:
1. Scrubs episodes are ALWAYS back-to-back.
2. Jimmy John's. My dinner got here in about 3 minutes tonight.
3. Iron Chef America.
4. The fact that I could pass my PsycStats while I'm sleeping.
5. Getting to see my U of I lovers this weekend =]

things that don't make me smile:
1. a quiz every day this week...on top of a speech and paper due as well...
2. the fact that I have extreme writer's block right now.
3. stress. stress. stress. stress. stress.
4. watching a previously unbreakable relationship slip away...

six years ago today...

2007-09-11T13:23:00.000-05:00

it's weird to think it's been that long.
i was in eighth grade. that's forever ago.
and to think, the 9/11 babies are now 6 years old. going into kindergarden.

it's still sad and it's still something that will have affected every American.

President Bush,
In the past SIX years, what have you accomplished?

friendship?

2007-09-09T17:21:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows that scene from When Harry Met Sally.

no, not the fake orgasm scene (although, one of my favorites)

That scene in the car where they talk about how "men and women can never be friends because sex always gets in the way"

Exibit A: I go to school with this guy. Now, I guess I'd call him my friend, but we've only hung out once or twice. He seems like he'd be a cool guy to hang out with...but every good conversation we have is ruined by him trying to hit on me. It's annoying and uncomfortable. I mean, how do you respond to someone calling you the most beautiful girl ever...when you're completely uninterested? It's sad. It could have been a good friendship, but it's ruined.

on the other hand...

Exibit B: I met this guy last year. We just clicked and we get along really well. He's without a doubt my best guy friend up here. He has a girlfriend, and when I met him I had a boyfriend. Our relationship is completely platonic. However, my roommate is convinced that we both secretly want each other. I can assure you that I'm not attracted to him in any sexual/romantic way. But my roommate is one of those people that doesn't think a guy and girl can just be friends.

So, CAN a guy a girl be JUST FRIENDS?

THE BEST START TO MY SOPHOMORE YEAR!!!

2007-08-28T17:22:00.000-05:00

...and by "best," i actually mean "worst."

I'm currently sitting in my room, waiting for my mom to come pick me up and take me home.
I've yet to go to ANY classes, and I won't go to any classes until next week.

I'm restless. I just want to do something USEFUL. but i'm stuck here, being too sick to function. and I've managed to stump the doctors at the Student Health Services. I'm special.

I've hardly seen any of my friends because today markes the first day I've ventured out of my dorm since I've moved in. (count 'em: 4 days)

and on top of it all, I can't eat. I've been living on applesauce (and just barely eating THAT) since oh, Thursday? Yea. Haven't eaten in 5 days. I just want a fucking hamburger. I am so hungry.

and I can't sleep. Well, i CAN, but I'll just wake up in pain. I can't get through a full night. and I wake up early. and I'm miserable.

I look disgusting. I feel digusting.
I'm absolutely miserable.

Good thing I'm going home...so I can be miserable all by myself, with no one watching. I'm so lame. Sophomore year sucks so far.

ink

2007-08-22T01:00:00.000-05:00

i am in LOVE with tattoos.
if i had the balls, or the money, i would cover my entire body in tattoos.
it's just art. it's so beautiful. and it's such an amazing form of self-expression. to be able to say "hey, this is me. this is a part of my life." and to permanently carry that around with you on your body. they can represent a stage in your life. they can represent a personality trait.

mine is a constant reminder that i AM independent. i AM empowered. that i don't need anyone in my life. i can make it on my own. it also is a reminder to stay true to myself. i am energetic, excitable, short-tempered, and stubborn. the good and the bad. i am myself. i am a dragon.

LAink is slowly replacing Miami ink in my heart. Probably because i'm obsessed with Kat Von D. She's so amazing.

in other news, 4 days til MU. i should probably start packing?

Road Rage?

2007-08-21T01:37:00.000-05:00

I bet, if you were to look up statistics, people who drive into and out of Chicago everyday have stress levels 1000% higher than the rest of the population.

I drove in Chicago rush hour traffic for the first time EVER today, because, well, I tend to avoid Chicago during rush hour. And let me tell you, when I live in the city in 3 years, I will NOT own a car. It's not even worth it, for the stress and gas used and just...no. Chicago drivers are all assholes =]

It was my last day at Jamba today. Bittersweet. I'm going to miss everyone. Some people who weren't working came in specifically to say bye to me =] i love those guys so much...

It's weird, I have so many people who care about me. People who are willing to go out of their way for me. People who don't treat me like crap...Yet, for some reason, I keep going back to the one person in my life who treats me horribly. LAME.

Tonight was one of those nights that felt like a movie. We sat in the parking lot after close. Life is all about living in the moment. I'm sick of wishing I was somewhere else. From now on, i'm just going to BE. Fabulous. Let's see how this works...

What I learned from HSMTWO:
1. "I don't care about my future. I care what my friends think about me!" Thanks Troy Bolton...
2. "We're all in this together." In case they didn't say that often enough to drill it into your head. FUN DRINKING GAME: take a shot everytime someone says "we're all in this together." I guarantee you'll get stupid.
3. "You're going to get so wet!!" Thanks Troy...for showing that even squeeky-clean teenagers have a dirty side...
4. When Troy Bolton is upset, he cannot make a basket. He showed that in both HSM and HSMTWO. Oh how the symbolism just slaps you across the face.
5. If you want to lose a girlfriend quickly, give her a necklace with your initial on it. That won't creep her out or make her feel branded at all...
6. Most importantly, this movie/musical showed me that musical theatre really is dead. Thank you, Disney.

more things I've learned...

2007-08-14T01:17:00.000-05:00

it's been an eventful past week.

1. do NOT believe everything you hear, especially if it comes from someone who likes to gossip. (yea, i probably should have learned this A LONG TIME AGO...)

2. there is no better feeling in the world than rekindling an old, close friendship.

3. the only satisfying way to live life is to just let go. don't think, just DO.

4. skinny dipping and streaking are two of the most liberating, relaxing, and exciting things to do.

5. *REMOVED*

6. exhaustion does not = falling asleep easily. i hate my insomnia and i hate my restless mind. my body will be physically exhausted from work, but i don't know how to relax my mind, and i won't fall asleep until about 7am. it's frustrating.

there's probably a lot more, but i'm going to six flags tomorrow (for the first time in practically 4 years, i think!!) so i should probably at least ATTEMPT to sleep.

smile.laugh.love.dance.

life is what happens when you're not paying attention

2007-08-10T01:45:00.000-05:00

someone came into work today.
someone who i haven't had contact with in at least 3 years.
someone who used to be a huge part of my life.
someone who could have gotten me into some serious trouble those 3 years ago.
someone who i still worry about from time to time.
that someone came into work today.

and i think i stopped breathing.
after he left, my friend asked me if i was okay because she said i looked like i was ready to cry.

it's weird how someone can have such an effect on your life, even after years have passed. just seeing their face...hearing their voice...can stop time. and maybe not even in a good way. but i never thought i'd see him again. and i never thought that i'd even be affected if i saw him again.

i just hope he's doing okay...

three things i've learned:
1. my boss wants me to become a manager at jamba, if i wasn't leaving again for school. sweet. that means im pretty pimp at what i do =]
2. it's so much harder than it seems to let go of relationships. so so so much harder.
3. mecham road SUCKS. especially when it's narrowed down to ONE LANE. that's right, one lane for BOTH directions of traffic. i sat there for about 20 minutes today. lame lame lame.

10 things I have learned in the past few days...

2007-08-06T00:56:00.000-05:00

1. Work goes by SO much faster if you love the people you work with...which i do =]

2. There's really only one person I care about in the entire world. He's my absolute best friend, though thick and thin...through every stupid fight we have. He's the only person I'd miss if I left here.

3. SO many people rely on me. It's somewhat flattering, but somewhat annoying because, frankly, i don't care very much.

4. Junior High girls who walk around in practically NO clothes, and come into Jamba on a Saturday night because they have nothing better to do with their lives than walk around the Streets of Woodfield, hoping to catch attention of some scummy older guy, until their mommies come to pick them up disgust me. Yes, i judge EVERYONE who walks into Jamba Juice. You'll get over it.

5. Stepping is A LOT harder than it looks...

6. Incompetence is obnoxious. Seriously, learn what you need to learn and KNOW it. Put forth some effort. and if you're not an expert, then stop acting so cocky. Overconfident incompetence is even more obnoxious.

7. I actually like to work out. But I'm usually either working...or sleeping...or awake but exhausted from work. So I don't work out. But I really need to start...again.

8. I'm a firm believer in learning something new everyday. That doesn't mean learning new gossip or something. For example, yesterday I learned how to take down the Crathcos at work. Probably doesn't seem very important to anyone else, but do YOU know how to take apart, clean, and reassemble Crathcos? Didn't think so.

9. Too many of these have to do with work. Because too much of my life is spent at work. But I'm getting paid to goof around with people who I love (and, of course, making smoothies...). That's probably more than you can say...

10. Falling blenders cause bruises.

TRUST

2007-08-03T23:20:00.000-05:00

is a waste of time.

EVERYONE will deceive you.
NO ONE is sincere.
and EVERYONE will lie to you.

trusting someone is just giving them the opportunity to hurt you. and everyone will take advantage of that opportunity.

No one is honest. People lie to save their own asses.
security is a manipulative emotion. you will fall into a false sense of security until someone comes along and rips you out of it by betraying you.

it's not a mystery that i have serious trust issues. Everyone who knows me knows that.
But when you lose trust in the only person who you've ever trusted...it makes you lose faith in everything.

that's why i live my life the way i do. If you don't put yourself out there, you never get hurt. I don't need anyone other than myself. Sure my walls are built way up, but this kind of pain isn't worth crappy relationships.

welcome to my world.

today...

2007-08-01T00:43:00.000-05:00

...i won $26 playing poker

...and then i got kicked out of the casino for being underage =]

...and then i got hit on by the guy who kicked me out...

okay, so maybe i'm not TECHNICALLY 21 yet...or even 20 for that matter...but i've come to the conclusion that i will be carded at bars/casinos/etc. for a long long time.

i guess i just have to accept the fact that i will look like i'm about 15 years-old until i'm about 50 years-old.

joe always said that asian people either look like they're 5 or they're 60. There's no inbetween. One day you'll wake up and *poof* you look old.

in other news, there are bugs EVERYWHERE. it's gross. actually, right now, there is some big bug that keeps flying into things (mainly, ME.) but i can't catch it. uugghh..
TOMORROW IS DAY SIX.

For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic*

2007-07-27T21:15:00.000-05:00

Today is DAY 1.
Day one of the fabulous trip to middle-of-nowhere-Wisconsin. Middle-of-nowhere-Wisconsin, with no cell reception and no one even remotely close to my age...
Day one of the potentially most boring week of my life.

My silver lining?
I'm currently stealing a wireless signal from the cabin next door.

That, and, I just had a Captin and Coke and am feeling pretty good =]

So far since I've been up here, I've napped, listened to music, started re-reading HP6 (before I continue with HP7), ate dinner, listened to more music...

My other silver lining?
This week away from Joe will probably be good for me. Good for us.
It'll keep me from killing him...

today is day one.
one down. six to go.

this isn't particularly deep or insightful or thought-provoking, or hell, even important.
I can only assume I'll get to that later tonight...when I post again...because I won't be sleeping.
Fabulous.

*Paramore

Ignorance Disgusts Me...

2007-07-27T01:15:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm obsessed with SYTYCD. We'll get over it.
The first thing that happened on tonight's elimination show was that Mia Michaels and Nigel Lythgoe APOLOGIZED to America. Now, I understand apologizing if any viewers were offended, but I don't believe that they should have apologized for their actions, because, in truth, they did nothing wrong. They exercised their freedom of speech. But to live in a world where people are forced to APOLOGIZE for their opinions?? There's something incredibly disturbing about that.

I feel the need to re-post this. This was posted on one of the message boards on the SYTYCD website...it's upsetting and disgusting...It's scary how ignorant some Americans are. Again, I am proud to be American and I support our troops. Being anti-war doesn't make me un-American, as this uninformed person alludes to.

I was completely disgusted by Wednesday night's anti-war show. And all the more after Lythgoe's (lack of) apology Thursday night. America didn't start this war, but we must finish it successfully. And, yes, Nigel, there are many patriots who, knowing what's at stake, want this war to continue to victory. Our troops voluntarily risk their lives so some leftist choreographer can trash their valliant effort. Thanks to their protective sacrifice, he can. But it wasn't just one dance. Or two or three or four or five or even six. Ten times!!!!!!!!!! Oh how America's enemies must be laughing as they replay the show. Yes, probably Osama and Al-Qaeda, too, we saw the list grow Wednesday night, didn't we?

And just as the Marines were offended by a judge's connived coat that made a premeditated anti-military statement, my wife and I were greatly offended by the misuse and abuse of "Amazing Grace" during Wednesday night's protest. The up-tempo routine danced to America's favorite hymn had nothing to do with its reverent message. How else can we take it except as another premeditated slap. Made us turn the other cheek, huh?

I suppose you expect us to believe the show's producers and Fox officials didn't discuss blatant airing of 10 anti-war performances or the total lack of sensitivity in misusing "Amazing Grace?" Of course both aspects were considered and approved. So you calculated and chose to insult the vast majority of Americans who make the luxury of dancing and entertainment television possible. You obviously don't care about salt-of-the-earth citizens.

Try another apology, but this time make it honest and heart-felt. Maybe a patriotic program to undo some of the great damage you've done? Yes, damage, because such anti-war protests embolden Iraq's terrorists to hold out longer and strive to kill even more of our boys to spark even more inappropriate TV protests. Thanks "So You Think You Can Dance." Thanks Fox. Blood soon will be on your hands, if not already. (Did you check the evening news for a jump in the latest body count?)

Now, I need to pack. Because I'm leaving for vacation in about 5 or 6 hours and haven't started packing yet. Fabulous.

Be the change you want to see in the world...

2007-07-26T02:53:00.000-05:00

Yes.
another post.

I just finished watching tonight's episode of "So You Think You Can Dance."
And I have to say that I absolutely loved it. The new "obstacle," if you will, was that each dancer performed the same Wade Robson solo. It was danced to John Mayer's "Waiting on the World to Change" and each dancer wore white pants and a white t-shirt with a peach sign on the front, and a word stenciled in on the back. (Hope, Understanding, Communication...etc.)
These dances were so powerful and emotional. Some dancers danced them with anger, others with sadness, and others with hope for the future. I was definitely moved by these dances. They just showed how much can be conveyed through dance.

The theme was peace. That was all.

Peace.

Which, I think, is something that everyone, all Americans, everyone in the world, wishes for.

And then I went to the SYTYCD website and was looking on their message board. And I found an OVERWHELMING negative response to tonight's show. From people saying that...they were disgusted...by FOX trying to impose a political statement. And that FOX and Wade were USING these dancers to shove their personal anti-war feelings on the audience...These people said that they watched this show for the dancing...not to be lectured on politics.

...

I'm sorry......WHAT?!

First of all, dance is expressionism. Freedom of speech applies. People can use their emotions and choreography to express WHATEVER THEY WANT. and it was beautifully spoken.

Second, could someone PLEASE explain to me what is SO WRONG with anti-war? Yes, I support our troops. What they are doing overseas is extremely courageous. However, I want to get them home as soon as possible. I feel that war is unnecessary. Yes, I know that the notion of "world peace" is a bit idealistic, but we need to be able to dream. "The opposite of war isn't peace...it's creation." Our world needs to stop being so destructive. I don't understand what is SO WRONG with wanting our world to evolve...start fighting with ideas rather than nuclear weapons. If this show had promoted PRO-WAR ideas...would these people be happy?? I just don't understand.

Third...the theme tonight wasn't specifically "anti-war"...it was PEACE. Now, granted, one could argue that those are the same thing...However, even if we were not in the middle of a war...you could still dance for peace...

I guess I could understand where these people are coming from because they do tune into this show for the entertainment value...but these are people who don't understand the emotion of dance. They see fun hip-hop pieces...but don't realize how much emotion is expressed in other pieces. Everything has a deeper meaning.

Censorship disgusts me. These people want FOX to APOLOGIZE for tonight's episode. APOLOGIZE? for promoting a positive message?

Their message was PEACE. Their message was the same as John Mayer's in that song. We, as a younger generation, as people who are not making executive decisions regarding the war, as people who have a voice and want to use it...we need to stop WAITING on the world to change. We need to be the change we want to see in the world.

PEACE.

Pregnant at Seventeen

2007-07-26T01:04:00.001-05:00

Today I found out that a girl at work is pregnant. She's seventeen.
It was almost uncomfortable talking to her about it. She was clearly confused on what her course of action should be...but at the same time, she seemed...not panicked enough.
I mean to say that she seemed relaxed. She had no problem telling everyone, whereas if it were ME, I don't think I'd tell ANYONE. Her biggest concern seemed to be the fact that she doesn't like throwing up, at that comes with the territory of morning sickness.
Now, to me, this girl doesn't seem mature enough to take care of HERSELF, let alone another person...

To be SEVENTEEN. and PREGNANT?
I couldn't even imagine.

On another note, I was late to work today because the normal 10 minute drive took me about half an hour. There was some horrible crash at the intersection right by my work and traffic was WAY backed up for quite a few hours. A girl I work with said that she thought she had seen body bags. I still don't know exactly what happened...

Isn't it strange how two completely different events seem to have the same response?
I mean, to have a baby when you're seventeen years old is often looked at as the end of the mother's life...or life as she knows it. It's no longer HER life, it's her and HER BABY's lives. It's almost seen as a tragedy. Of course, that's not to say that every situation ends negatively...some young mothers find a way to make it work. However, socially, people tend to feel sad for someone who gets pregnant at seventeen.
To have a fatal car accident is of course the end of a life. It's horrible to think about. People feel sad for the families of the victims...

One situation is the beginning of life, one is the end...however, both cause sadness. It's almost ironic...

I loved you, gray sweatpants, no makeup. So perfect.

2007-07-25T03:03:00.000-05:00

so at about 5am last night (or this morning...) i turned on CNN to find the CNN/YouTube Democratic Debate on. I only caught the last half hour, but it was SO interesting. Rather than having some rehearsed journalist ask a question, REAL PEOPLE asked the questions. Rather than having someone ask the candidate's stance on gay marriage, two women who were holding hands ask "why can't we get married?" It sends a completely different message. If anyone knows when it's going to air again...let me know.

I don't really believe in political parties. Or, I should say, I don't put much faith into them. However, I would probably fall into the category of being a Democrat. I'm definitely liberal. I know that I am completely for gay marriage and domestic partnership. I know that I am pro-choice. I know that I believe that marijuana should be legalized. I know that I hate George W. Bush. (01.20.09. Let the countdown begin.) I know that I'm very open-minded and not bigoted. I love getting into discussions with people who have different beliefs than me. I do not try to impose my beliefs on other people, and I strongly respect those who do the same for me. I am just intrigued by why people believe the things they do. I'm not incredibly acknowledgeable in politics, but I find it to be very interesting and I love learning about them. Anyone want to have a political discussion?

I also know that I wish that the war would end and we could get everyone home. I wish America would do more to bring our troops home than to buy a magnetic ribbon to place on your car. It's scarier now that you actually, personally KNOW people over there. It's more of a reality. I found out today that a friend of mine, who is in the Navy, is in the hospital. He got hit in the leg with...something...I don't even know what... He currently cannot feel his leg and they don't know if he ever will again. That's too real for me. Please send positive energy toward him in Japan.

I never got out of my sweats all day. Fabulous. I could definitely just live in my sweatpants forever.

in the beginning, there was nothing...

2007-07-24T04:51:00.000-05:00

i have to admit. the fad of myspace and facebook is dead to me.
well, that's not entirely true. BUT, i do need something new.
I've found myself with fewer people worth confiding in, recently. Ergo, I need somewhere to think.

This being my first post, I feel the need to introduce myself.

This is me.

I'm half asian. You can either find me in suburbia of Chicago or at school in Milwaukee. I'm a full time student at Marquette University, studying Public Relations and Theatre. My passion lies in music and dance. I talk fast and have a lot of energy. I'm opinionated and I love to have intelligent conversations and debates. I don't believe in god or organized religion. I believe in myself. I have a million acquaintances in my life, but only a handful of people who i truly care about.

My roommate is quite possibly my long-lost sister.
I truly believe that, had it not been for her, I wouldn't have made it through my first year of college the way that I did. We're alike in some many senses of the word, it's almost creepy. But I really don't know what I would do without her, now that I've met her.

This is Joe.
This is my absolute best friend in the world. He has been, ever since 6th grade, when he was my first boyfriend. Recently, we had dated for another 2 years. College and long-distance relationships are hard, so we're going back to the basics. He is the love of my life and he manages to break my heart everyday, without even knowing it. He's the reason that I am the person I am.

Calyn is more like me than I'll ever admit, but we're more different than any two people can be.
She's been there for me when everyone else has walked away. And, although we tend to fight a lot, she's a good friend when you need someone to count on. And I could laugh with this girl for hours. Despite whatever happens today or tomorrow, I know that she'll be there in the end.

"I want to hit her, really hard"
Yes. That's my sister. I used to hate her, but what sisters DIDN'T hate each other. Now, we go to the same college and get along a lot better. Of course we still fight, but I love my sister and I don't know what I'd do without her.
(and yes, those words up there were HER words when I was first born. loving, isn't she?)

Essentially, I've discovered who my true friends are in the past year. And I've realized who I can trust and who I can't trust. Trust is huge with me. I don't trust people easily and if I lose trust, it's SO hard to get back.

Three things you MUST know about me are:
1. I am a die-hard Cubs fan
2. The way to my heart is through mashed potatoes
3. I'm sarcastic more often than I am sincere

If you've made it this far in reading, I thank you. I'm not 100% sure what I'll post in here, but it's bound to be entertaining. I have horrible insomnia, so we'll see what comes out of emily's mind in the middle of the night, as she tries to put her jumbled thoughts into words.