Half

So, I checked out this poetry reading last night with some friends. and the performers and poets were so amazing and talented and inspiring that i realized that i want to pick up writing again. i used to write poetry, but i kept it all to myself. never really let anyone read it. but i'm gonna do it differently this time. i'm gonna just post it on here and whoever reads it, reads it. this is my first shot back, so be gentle. i'm just getting my rhythm and flow back.
this one is called "half"

i am half.
half asian half white
half lover half itching to start a fight
half confident half lost
in this half-sheltered world
half independent half scared
half intimidated half feared
half-assing my way through a half-worthless existence
afraid that halfway through this half-lived life i’ll realize that living half in the grave and half in the sky
is no way to exist
half an observer and i half just want to see
what the world could turn into if we all could just be
take a half-step back and turn halfway around
and see that half-living will only make us half-found in this half-lost society with our half-caring kids who don’t know half of the problems
or have seen half of the bad
i have half of my heart
i feel with half of my soul
the other half is missing…taken by some “half”-hole
i know half of my feelings and half of me is numb
and i know that my life could be halfway better if i just opened my half-asian eyes and saw
that by only half-living, my glass is only half-full
or maybe half-empty
but it is not whole.
and neither am i in this half-fucked up world with my half-broken life which is half in control and half spinning
and spinning
and spinning
and i want it to stop.
or half of me does
the other half doesn’t know what it wants
i’m half conflicted and half in the clear
half pessimistic half idealistic half realistic half masochistic
half faithless half hopeless half cynical half jaded
but there is a half of me that wants to leave half of me behind
and use my whole heart and use my whole mind
and use my whole soul and see the whole world
but until then i am just half.
half a person living half of her life
with half of two cultures and half of a heart
half waiting and half-giving up on ever seeing a day
when this half-fucked up world will open their eyes at least halfway.

you, my dear, fail life.

It just baffles me.
BAFFLES me.
how immature, selfish, inconsiderate, and RUDE people can be.
BAFFLES ME.
you are over 50 years old. your behavior is completely unacceptable. COMPLETELY. no one should be that immature at your age. hell, no one should be that immature at your DAUGHTER'S age, but I no longer blame her. Because she is an exact replica of you. I blame your bad parenting.

Things that are NOT okay:
1. moving all your stuff out, a month early, and only giving your roommate 30 seconds notice.
2. moving out mostly communal objects such as a tv, couch, SHOWER CURTAIN, pots, pans, dishes, etc. - a month early, and only giving your roommate 30 seconds notice.
3. walking past someone as if she doesn't exist when she opens HER door to HER apartment to you and says "hello! how are you?"
4. being a fully-grown adult and doing the above-mentioned action.


...some people just shouldn't have children. some people just FAIL as parents.

thank you mom and dad for not being THAT.

i think too much.
"jump first, fear later"
"the scariest decisions are usually the most worthwhile"
yeah, easier said than done.
i'm beginning to think i'm destined to be alone.
not in the emo "i'm all alone in the world, no one understands me" way
but in the "i fear truly living and will push everyone away" way
i will always find a reason to leave
i'm screwy.
and have issues.
i need to find someone to deal with it and put me back together.
kthanks, world.

These people make college what it is

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Song: Heart of Life-John Mayer

In between...a one night stand and a wedding ring...

In a horrible attempt to procrastinate writing a news release and studying for an exam I have today, I thought I'd blog. Because I haven't written in awhile. And I'm an awful student. Good.

So here's a story:

Last...November? My friend (and future roommate!) Mandy and I drove out to Madison to see Idina Menzel...because she's absolutely incredible. We got there early, had dinner, met up with a friend for a bit, and then headed over to the theatre. We get there and see a sign that said "8:00 Chris Mann 9:00 Idina Mezel" and we both go "well, shit. I don't want to watch someone opening act for Idina. I just want to see HER."

Fast forward to 8:00pm, the concert starts and these 2 guys come on stage...sit down...and begin playing. He opened his mouth to sing, and I swear I stopped breathing. When he finished his first song (ahem, "On a Night Like This"), Mandy and I just looked at each other, jaws to the ground.

"who IS this guy?"

The way we described him is "Talent of Josh Groban with a little bit of Jason Mraz thrown in for goofiness and quirkiness...with the stage presence of Andrew McMahon"

Idina was, of course, fabulous. That woman is so incredible, I can't even begin to tell you. Not only is she disgustingly talented, but she was absolutely hilarious too.
After the concert, we considered stopping at Chris's merch table, but it was surrounded with girls practically falling over themselves to be by him (oh, did I mention that he's quite attractive as well...? Because he is.) and I'm not that type of "screaming, flustering, ohmigod-i-love-you-so-much kind of fan."
Instead, we headed outside and waited by Idina's bus. We were lucky enough to get a picture of her AND get her autograph (and she only gave like 10). It was incredible. [side note: one of the only 2 times I've ever been kinda star-struck...the first time was when I met and talked to Anthony Rapp...what IS it with the actors from RENT??]

Afterward, we were going to try to find him to tell him how great of a job he did, but didn't see him...and we still had to drive back to Milwaukee (yea, it was about 1:30am on a Sunday night at this point...)



Needless to say, I was an instant fan....*ahem* MANNfan, as is his coined phrase.

Anyway, I urge everyone to check him out. He's got his album coming out in...March? yeah. So, you've got a month to get excited. Seriously though, this guy has more talent in his left foot than most people have at all. He's gonna be big. Just watch.

Check out www.chrismannmusic.com to read his blog and hear 2 of his songs that are posted.

Oh, and THIS is what I saw in Madison.

One last thought before bed...

I had to repost this because it rings so unbelievably true. For the rest of Debauchette's blog, check it out here. She really certainly full of a different insight. Quite intriguing and fun to read =]

"I’m a little tired of the coy push-and-pull that we teach young women, as if they should play up their sexuality but ultimately recoil from sexual activity, resulting in our classically conflicted nympho-puritanical views: we’re sex-saturated (advertising, porn) yet we’re also sex-avoidant (MPAA, morality laws). If we’re talking about depictions of women, I want to see more of this, of women looking you in the eye and fucking owning their sex."

I Am Waiting

I am waiting for my case to come up
and I am waiting
for a rebirth of wonder
and I am waiting for someone
to really discover America
and wail
and I am waiting
for the discovery
of a new symbolic western fronteir
and I am waiting
for the American Eagle
to really spread its wings
and straighten up and fly right
and I am waiting for the Age of Anxiety
to drop dead
and I am waiting
for the war to be fought
which will make the world safe
for anarchy
and I am waiting for the final withering away
of all governments
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for my number to be called
and I am waiting
for the Salvation Army to take over
and I am waiting
for the meek to be blessed
and inherit the earth
without taxes
and I am waiting
for forests and animals
to reclaim the earth as theirs
and I am waiting
for a way to be devised
to destroy all nationalisms
without killing anybody
and I am waiting
for linnets and planets to fall like rain
and I am waiting for lovers and weepers
to lie down together again
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for the great divide to be crossed
and I am anxiously waiting
for the secret of eternal life to be discovered
by an obscure practitioner
and I am waiting
for the storms of life
to be over
and I am waiting to set sail for happiness
and I am waiting
for a reconstructed Mayflower
to reach America
with its picture story and TV rights
sold in advance to the natives
and I am waiting
for the lost music to sound again
in the Lost Continent
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for the day
that maketh all things clear
and I am waiting for reconstruction
for what America did to Tom Sawyer
and I am waiting
for the American Boy
to take off the Beauty's clothes
and get on top of her
and I am waiting
for Alice in Wonderland
to retransmit to me
her total dream of innocence
and I am waiting
for Childe Roland to come
to the final darkest tower
and I am waiting for Aphrodite
to grow live arms
at a final disarmament conference
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting
to get some intimations
of immortality
by recollecting my early childhood
and I am waiting
for the green mornings to come again
for some strains of unpremeditated art
to shake my typewriter
and I am waiting to write
the great indelible poem
and I am waiting
for the last long rapture
and I am perpetually waiting
for the fleeting lovers on the Grecian Urn
to catch each other at last
and embrace
and I am awaiting
perpetually and forever
a renaissance of wonder

--Lawrence Ferlinghetti