i'm jaded, stupid, and wreckless

so tonight i've come to the conclusion that i don't have the mother gene in me. i really never do want to have kids.
i don't have the bridal gene in me. i really don't think i'll ever get married. the idea of spending the rest of my life with ONE person just makes me uneasy.

i thought i had gotten over my commitment issues, but maybe i just did it FOR him. and now that i'm not with him anymore...just the IDEA of dating one person is just not appealing to me. at all.

my roomie and her boyfriend (who are so "in love"' ugh.) were telling me that "i'd find someone who fits with me" and who has my random sarcastic sense of humor and who gets me. and i was like "fuck that. i don't believe in love"

where did this person come from? i'm completely cynical and jaded. i dont believe in love. i don't believe in marriage. i never want kids. i don't feel comfortable with commitment.



i really wish i believed in something.

My Religious Views...

I believe in the Chicago Cubs.

I love being a Cubs fan, living in Milwaukee right now.
I love the dirty looks I get when I wear my Cubs hat or a Cubs shirt.
I love passing someone on the street who is wearing a Brewer's hat/shirt. You can just feel the tension.
I love walking down the road and passing someone else in their Cubs gear. We'll both smile. It's like we're sharing a secret.


People always ask WHY i'm a Cubs fan. They never win, and when they do, they manage to fuck it up in the last minute. Aren't I sick of waiting around for a day that hasn't happened in 99 years?


It's because being a Cubs fan is respectable. People don't hate the Cubs like they hate the Yankees or Sox.
It's because Cubs fans get each other. We all dream of the day when the Cubs will win the World Series, but unlike every other team's fans, we don't turn away from our team when they don't win.
It's because we can still fill Wrigley even if we're losing, but sox fans can't fill the Cell even thought they've won the World Series in the past 2 years.



It's Wrigley Field
It's yelling "root root root for the CUBBIES" during the 7th inning stretch
It's the stories and the history
It's dressing in Cubbie Blue
It's knowing what the 14 and 10 in left field and the 23 and 26 in right represent
It's singing "GO CUBS GO!" after a win

It's a CUBS FAN thing.

you wouldn't understand.

things i learned at u of i...

1. shot box may SEEM like a good life decision at the time...it's not.

2. every girlfriend has one girl that they don't trust their boyfriend with. for her, it's me. interesting.

3. best friends don't have to talk every day...but the ability to pick up right where you left off is the test of a true friendship =] *soulmate*

4. falling on your face in the middle of the street = very humbling experience...

5. the sign of a good night is when you're still drunk/hungover until 4pm the next day...

6. i am now a huge illini football fan =]

7. Zas = delicious

8. i cannot wait until i'm 21 and can get into the bars in milwaukee, because going to the bars is amazing fun.

9. being a girl rocks because boys buy you drinks and pay your cover =]

10. peeing in a bar bathroom, in a stall without a door, is probably the most fearless thing i've ever done.

11. blonde guys always catch my eye...

12. i have self control even when i'm drunk. that's probably a good thing to know.

13. im a sucker for kisses on the forehead...

14. being single is exactly what i need to be right now.

15. i love my friends who go to u of i and i miss them terribly when i'm not with them.

16. if i were to actually go to u of i...i would probably DIE. one weekend is amazing, but i don't think i could handle partying like that every weekend...


here's to the best weekend i've had in a long time...with the best friend i've had for a lifetime...

best friend

Soulmate - someone who you love, trust, and know is always going to be a part of your life.

today i feel...

things that make me smile:
1. Scrubs episodes are ALWAYS back-to-back.
2. Jimmy John's. My dinner got here in about 3 minutes tonight.
3. Iron Chef America.
4. The fact that I could pass my PsycStats while I'm sleeping.
5. Getting to see my U of I lovers this weekend =]


things that don't make me smile:
1. a quiz every day this week...on top of a speech and paper due as well...
2. the fact that I have extreme writer's block right now.
3. stress. stress. stress. stress. stress.
4. watching a previously unbreakable relationship slip away...

six years ago today...

it's weird to think it's been that long.
i was in eighth grade. that's forever ago.
and to think, the 9/11 babies are now 6 years old. going into kindergarden.

it's still sad and it's still something that will have affected every American.


President Bush,
In the past SIX years, what have you accomplished?

friendship?

Everyone knows that scene from When Harry Met Sally.

no, not the fake orgasm scene (although, one of my favorites)

That scene in the car where they talk about how "men and women can never be friends because sex always gets in the way"

Exibit A: I go to school with this guy. Now, I guess I'd call him my friend, but we've only hung out once or twice. He seems like he'd be a cool guy to hang out with...but every good conversation we have is ruined by him trying to hit on me. It's annoying and uncomfortable. I mean, how do you respond to someone calling you the most beautiful girl ever...when you're completely uninterested? It's sad. It could have been a good friendship, but it's ruined.


on the other hand...


Exibit B: I met this guy last year. We just clicked and we get along really well. He's without a doubt my best guy friend up here. He has a girlfriend, and when I met him I had a boyfriend. Our relationship is completely platonic. However, my roommate is convinced that we both secretly want each other. I can assure you that I'm not attracted to him in any sexual/romantic way. But my roommate is one of those people that doesn't think a guy and girl can just be friends.


So, CAN a guy a girl be JUST FRIENDS?