Half

So, I checked out this poetry reading last night with some friends. and the performers and poets were so amazing and talented and inspiring that i realized that i want to pick up writing again. i used to write poetry, but i kept it all to myself. never really let anyone read it. but i'm gonna do it differently this time. i'm gonna just post it on here and whoever reads it, reads it. this is my first shot back, so be gentle. i'm just getting my rhythm and flow back.
this one is called "half"

i am half.
half asian half white
half lover half itching to start a fight
half confident half lost
in this half-sheltered world
half independent half scared
half intimidated half feared
half-assing my way through a half-worthless existence
afraid that halfway through this half-lived life i’ll realize that living half in the grave and half in the sky
is no way to exist
half an observer and i half just want to see
what the world could turn into if we all could just be
take a half-step back and turn halfway around
and see that half-living will only make us half-found in this half-lost society with our half-caring kids who don’t know half of the problems
or have seen half of the bad
i have half of my heart
i feel with half of my soul
the other half is missing…taken by some “half”-hole
i know half of my feelings and half of me is numb
and i know that my life could be halfway better if i just opened my half-asian eyes and saw
that by only half-living, my glass is only half-full
or maybe half-empty
but it is not whole.
and neither am i in this half-fucked up world with my half-broken life which is half in control and half spinning
and spinning
and spinning
and i want it to stop.
or half of me does
the other half doesn’t know what it wants
i’m half conflicted and half in the clear
half pessimistic half idealistic half realistic half masochistic
half faithless half hopeless half cynical half jaded
but there is a half of me that wants to leave half of me behind
and use my whole heart and use my whole mind
and use my whole soul and see the whole world
but until then i am just half.
half a person living half of her life
with half of two cultures and half of a heart
half waiting and half-giving up on ever seeing a day
when this half-fucked up world will open their eyes at least halfway.