so, here's to you...

Today, my sympathy goes to those select FEW college students who have a busy end of their semester.
While most of us are out partying every night and living stress-free lives, poor YOU are stuck inside the library. studying.
Because, oh my gosh, you have FINALS?! i've never had to experience THAT before. That's so awful. I feel so bad for you.
And wait...what's that?! You have final PROJECTS due too?? that's just un-heard of! Those damn professors. Piling all that work on YOU and no other students.
And papers to write too?? You have got to just be making this up now. No college student has EVER written an essay before. You are the first. and the ONLY.
PLEASE.
tell me more about how much work you have to do. I'm intrigued. I've never heard of people having busy, stressful ends to their semester before!
Oh, wait. EVEN BETTER would be if you took a PICTURE of your assignments and posted it on Facebook! So that way, EVERYONE will know how busy you are and have sympathy for you.

So, here's to you, unnaturally busy college student! No one has ever had to endure what you have to endure! You have all my sympathy and I wish you the best of luck! And if you get ANOTHER assignment, or spend ALL NIGHT in the library...PLEASE let me know. I'll be sitting around doing nothing and will be ready to listen, because you are the only one with assignments.