One last thought before bed...

I had to repost this because it rings so unbelievably true. For the rest of Debauchette's blog, check it out here. She really certainly full of a different insight. Quite intriguing and fun to read =]

"I’m a little tired of the coy push-and-pull that we teach young women, as if they should play up their sexuality but ultimately recoil from sexual activity, resulting in our classically conflicted nympho-puritanical views: we’re sex-saturated (advertising, porn) yet we’re also sex-avoidant (MPAA, morality laws). If we’re talking about depictions of women, I want to see more of this, of women looking you in the eye and fucking owning their sex."

I Am Waiting

I am waiting for my case to come up
and I am waiting
for a rebirth of wonder
and I am waiting for someone
to really discover America
and wail
and I am waiting
for the discovery
of a new symbolic western fronteir
and I am waiting
for the American Eagle
to really spread its wings
and straighten up and fly right
and I am waiting for the Age of Anxiety
to drop dead
and I am waiting
for the war to be fought
which will make the world safe
for anarchy
and I am waiting for the final withering away
of all governments
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for my number to be called
and I am waiting
for the Salvation Army to take over
and I am waiting
for the meek to be blessed
and inherit the earth
without taxes
and I am waiting
for forests and animals
to reclaim the earth as theirs
and I am waiting
for a way to be devised
to destroy all nationalisms
without killing anybody
and I am waiting
for linnets and planets to fall like rain
and I am waiting for lovers and weepers
to lie down together again
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for the great divide to be crossed
and I am anxiously waiting
for the secret of eternal life to be discovered
by an obscure practitioner
and I am waiting
for the storms of life
to be over
and I am waiting to set sail for happiness
and I am waiting
for a reconstructed Mayflower
to reach America
with its picture story and TV rights
sold in advance to the natives
and I am waiting
for the lost music to sound again
in the Lost Continent
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for the day
that maketh all things clear
and I am waiting for reconstruction
for what America did to Tom Sawyer
and I am waiting
for the American Boy
to take off the Beauty's clothes
and get on top of her
and I am waiting
for Alice in Wonderland
to retransmit to me
her total dream of innocence
and I am waiting
for Childe Roland to come
to the final darkest tower
and I am waiting for Aphrodite
to grow live arms
at a final disarmament conference
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting
to get some intimations
of immortality
by recollecting my early childhood
and I am waiting
for the green mornings to come again
for some strains of unpremeditated art
to shake my typewriter
and I am waiting to write
the great indelible poem
and I am waiting
for the last long rapture
and I am perpetually waiting
for the fleeting lovers on the Grecian Urn
to catch each other at last
and embrace
and I am awaiting
perpetually and forever
a renaissance of wonder

--Lawrence Ferlinghetti

i've come to realize...

that some people can just be assholes sometimes...

...but there are times...select few times...brief shinning moments in time...that people can be good. genuinely good, caring people.

I was lucky enough to experience that last night. I am lucky enough to have some great friends.
The feeling of being taken care of and held is one of the best.

I got, uh, a bit more inebriated than I had intended. But I had a friend who sat with me, held me, talked to me, comforted me, took care of me...went above and beyond to ensure that I was comfortable, safe, and warm. And it's in moments like that, that my faith in humanity is restored.

Anyone who knows me, knows that my faith in humanity dwindles and slowly disappears every day. Reading stories about John Travolta facing extortion demands after his son dies. or seeing blatant hate between groups of people over superficial issues. or even hearing a dumb, insensitive, prejudice comment. Everyday I hear or see things that make me think that we, as a society, can be BETTER.

But it's the small gestures, like last night, that restore my faith and remind me that people have the potential to be better.

So, thank you to my friend. you'll probably never realize how important you are or how meaningful your gestures are.

This might blow your mind...

Barack Obama - 44th President of the United States of America

Goodbye Mr. Bush....

HELLO, President Barack Obama!!

Change is here.

*Photos courtesy of cnn.com

eff the system?

Today, I'm feeling...smothered....suppressed...

Maybe it's just because tomorrow start a new semester, and at the beginning of every new semester, I seriously question my life. Here I am, paying an excessive amount of money that will put me into serious debt, to get a very good education. I will graduate with a degree that says that I attended and survived a great college. I took the classes, learned the material, passed the tests, and received a piece of paper to prove it. I fell in line with the system and did exactly what I was supposed to.

I pay an excessive amount of money, and I have NO idea what I want to do with my life.

I feel like I'm doing this whole college thing to eventually become a productive member of society...to fall in line with how I should act...what I should be. But what do I WANT to do?

I want to travel. I want to experience life. I want to create something. I want to write music and perform. I want to be irresponsible and reckless for ONCE in my life. I want to dream and I want to feel free to follow my dreams.

I want to feel like I can follow my dreams, rather than have them suppressed by the Ivory Towers...I don't want to take the safe route anymore...

Tomorrow begins a new semester. Only 3 more to go until I'm thrust out into the real world, unprepared and inexperienced. Sigh. Let's see how this one goes...

the future freaks me out

It might be the uncertainty of it, but I'm more terrified to grow up and graduate than ever. Actually, I'm afraid of tomorrow. and next week. next month. I don't know how to get through the semester. through the summer. Money has never been a problem. I'm definitely not rich by any means, but I've always been comfortable. I've never been deprived of anything I need, or much of what I really want. I'm not spoiled. I manage my own money and am pretty self-sufficient. I pay for most of my own things. My parents help out with tuition and rent, but outside of that, I'm on my own. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid of failing. I worry constantly about the economy. To not know how I'm paying for my books this semester, or how my parents will pay for my tuition next semester, terrifies me. To not know how long it's going to take me to pay off all my loans terrifies me. To not know if I'm even going to find a job when I graduate terrifies me. In a world where people are losing jobs left and right, where unemployment is on the rise, and no one is hiring...how is a recent college graduate going to find work?
What makes me sick is the people who DO have jobs. There exist highly competent people with masters degrees who are out of work. good, strong workers who have held the same job for over 20 years are out of work because of the current state of the economy. However, there are people without a college education who hold a job with insurance and benefits. people who don't work hard, are uneducated, and poor workers. How is this fair?
I want to go back in time. I want to be 10 years old. when I wasn't concerned about money or the economy or loans or holding a job. when I didn't have to worry about how I would pay my rent or my tuition. I don't want to grow up yet. I want to be a kid without responsibilities again.

Hopefully President-Elect Obama can clean this economy up. I need to regain faith in something. 12 more days.