Thursday, January 8, 2009

the future freaks me out

It might be the uncertainty of it, but I'm more terrified to grow up and graduate than ever. Actually, I'm afraid of tomorrow. and next week. next month. I don't know how to get through the semester. through the summer. Money has never been a problem. I'm definitely not rich by any means, but I've always been comfortable. I've never been deprived of anything I need, or much of what I really want. I'm not spoiled. I manage my own money and am pretty self-sufficient. I pay for most of my own things. My parents help out with tuition and rent, but outside of that, I'm on my own. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid of failing. I worry constantly about the economy. To not know how I'm paying for my books this semester, or how my parents will pay for my tuition next semester, terrifies me. To not know how long it's going to take me to pay off all my loans terrifies me. To not know if I'm even going to find a job when I graduate terrifies me. In a world where people are losing jobs left and right, where unemployment is on the rise, and no one is hiring...how is a recent college graduate going to find work?
What makes me sick is the people who DO have jobs. There exist highly competent people with masters degrees who are out of work. good, strong workers who have held the same job for over 20 years are out of work because of the current state of the economy. However, there are people without a college education who hold a job with insurance and benefits. people who don't work hard, are uneducated, and poor workers. How is this fair?
I want to go back in time. I want to be 10 years old. when I wasn't concerned about money or the economy or loans or holding a job. when I didn't have to worry about how I would pay my rent or my tuition. I don't want to grow up yet. I want to be a kid without responsibilities again.

Hopefully President-Elect Obama can clean this economy up. I need to regain faith in something. 12 more days.

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