THE BEST START TO MY SOPHOMORE YEAR!!!

...and by "best," i actually mean "worst."

I'm currently sitting in my room, waiting for my mom to come pick me up and take me home.
I've yet to go to ANY classes, and I won't go to any classes until next week.

I'm restless. I just want to do something USEFUL. but i'm stuck here, being too sick to function. and I've managed to stump the doctors at the Student Health Services. I'm special.

I've hardly seen any of my friends because today markes the first day I've ventured out of my dorm since I've moved in. (count 'em: 4 days)

and on top of it all, I can't eat. I've been living on applesauce (and just barely eating THAT) since oh, Thursday? Yea. Haven't eaten in 5 days. I just want a fucking hamburger. I am so hungry.

and I can't sleep. Well, i CAN, but I'll just wake up in pain. I can't get through a full night. and I wake up early. and I'm miserable.

I look disgusting. I feel digusting.
I'm absolutely miserable.

Good thing I'm going home...so I can be miserable all by myself, with no one watching. I'm so lame. Sophomore year sucks so far.

ink

i am in LOVE with tattoos.
if i had the balls, or the money, i would cover my entire body in tattoos.
it's just art. it's so beautiful. and it's such an amazing form of self-expression. to be able to say "hey, this is me. this is a part of my life." and to permanently carry that around with you on your body. they can represent a stage in your life. they can represent a personality trait.

mine is a constant reminder that i AM independent. i AM empowered. that i don't need anyone in my life. i can make it on my own. it also is a reminder to stay true to myself. i am energetic, excitable, short-tempered, and stubborn. the good and the bad. i am myself. i am a dragon.


LAink is slowly replacing Miami ink in my heart. Probably because i'm obsessed with Kat Von D. She's so amazing.

in other news, 4 days til MU. i should probably start packing?

Road Rage?

I bet, if you were to look up statistics, people who drive into and out of Chicago everyday have stress levels 1000% higher than the rest of the population.

I drove in Chicago rush hour traffic for the first time EVER today, because, well, I tend to avoid Chicago during rush hour. And let me tell you, when I live in the city in 3 years, I will NOT own a car. It's not even worth it, for the stress and gas used and just...no. Chicago drivers are all assholes =]


It was my last day at Jamba today. Bittersweet. I'm going to miss everyone. Some people who weren't working came in specifically to say bye to me =] i love those guys so much...

It's weird, I have so many people who care about me. People who are willing to go out of their way for me. People who don't treat me like crap...Yet, for some reason, I keep going back to the one person in my life who treats me horribly. LAME.

Tonight was one of those nights that felt like a movie. We sat in the parking lot after close. Life is all about living in the moment. I'm sick of wishing I was somewhere else. From now on, i'm just going to BE. Fabulous. Let's see how this works...


What I learned from HSMTWO:
1. "I don't care about my future. I care what my friends think about me!" Thanks Troy Bolton...
2. "We're all in this together." In case they didn't say that often enough to drill it into your head. FUN DRINKING GAME: take a shot everytime someone says "we're all in this together." I guarantee you'll get stupid.
3. "You're going to get so wet!!" Thanks Troy...for showing that even squeeky-clean teenagers have a dirty side...
4. When Troy Bolton is upset, he cannot make a basket. He showed that in both HSM and HSMTWO. Oh how the symbolism just slaps you across the face.
5. If you want to lose a girlfriend quickly, give her a necklace with your initial on it. That won't creep her out or make her feel branded at all...
6. Most importantly, this movie/musical showed me that musical theatre really is dead. Thank you, Disney.

more things I've learned...

it's been an eventful past week.

1. do NOT believe everything you hear, especially if it comes from someone who likes to gossip. (yea, i probably should have learned this A LONG TIME AGO...)

2. there is no better feeling in the world than rekindling an old, close friendship.

3. the only satisfying way to live life is to just let go. don't think, just DO.

4. skinny dipping and streaking are two of the most liberating, relaxing, and exciting things to do.

5. *REMOVED*

6. exhaustion does not = falling asleep easily. i hate my insomnia and i hate my restless mind. my body will be physically exhausted from work, but i don't know how to relax my mind, and i won't fall asleep until about 7am. it's frustrating.



there's probably a lot more, but i'm going to six flags tomorrow (for the first time in practically 4 years, i think!!) so i should probably at least ATTEMPT to sleep.


smile.laugh.love.dance.

life is what happens when you're not paying attention

someone came into work today.
someone who i haven't had contact with in at least 3 years.
someone who used to be a huge part of my life.
someone who could have gotten me into some serious trouble those 3 years ago.
someone who i still worry about from time to time.
that someone came into work today.

and i think i stopped breathing.
after he left, my friend asked me if i was okay because she said i looked like i was ready to cry.

it's weird how someone can have such an effect on your life, even after years have passed. just seeing their face...hearing their voice...can stop time. and maybe not even in a good way. but i never thought i'd see him again. and i never thought that i'd even be affected if i saw him again.

i just hope he's doing okay...


three things i've learned:
1. my boss wants me to become a manager at jamba, if i wasn't leaving again for school. sweet. that means im pretty pimp at what i do =]
2. it's so much harder than it seems to let go of relationships. so so so much harder.
3. mecham road SUCKS. especially when it's narrowed down to ONE LANE. that's right, one lane for BOTH directions of traffic. i sat there for about 20 minutes today. lame lame lame.

10 things I have learned in the past few days...

1. Work goes by SO much faster if you love the people you work with...which i do =]

2. There's really only one person I care about in the entire world. He's my absolute best friend, though thick and thin...through every stupid fight we have. He's the only person I'd miss if I left here.

3. SO many people rely on me. It's somewhat flattering, but somewhat annoying because, frankly, i don't care very much.

4. Junior High girls who walk around in practically NO clothes, and come into Jamba on a Saturday night because they have nothing better to do with their lives than walk around the Streets of Woodfield, hoping to catch attention of some scummy older guy, until their mommies come to pick them up disgust me. Yes, i judge EVERYONE who walks into Jamba Juice. You'll get over it.

5. Stepping is A LOT harder than it looks...

6. Incompetence is obnoxious. Seriously, learn what you need to learn and KNOW it. Put forth some effort. and if you're not an expert, then stop acting so cocky. Overconfident incompetence is even more obnoxious.

7. I actually like to work out. But I'm usually either working...or sleeping...or awake but exhausted from work. So I don't work out. But I really need to start...again.

8. I'm a firm believer in learning something new everyday. That doesn't mean learning new gossip or something. For example, yesterday I learned how to take down the Crathcos at work. Probably doesn't seem very important to anyone else, but do YOU know how to take apart, clean, and reassemble Crathcos? Didn't think so.

9. Too many of these have to do with work. Because too much of my life is spent at work. But I'm getting paid to goof around with people who I love (and, of course, making smoothies...). That's probably more than you can say...

10. Falling blenders cause bruises.

TRUST

is a waste of time.

EVERYONE will deceive you.
NO ONE is sincere.
and EVERYONE will lie to you.

trusting someone is just giving them the opportunity to hurt you. and everyone will take advantage of that opportunity.

No one is honest. People lie to save their own asses.
security is a manipulative emotion. you will fall into a false sense of security until someone comes along and rips you out of it by betraying you.

it's not a mystery that i have serious trust issues. Everyone who knows me knows that.
But when you lose trust in the only person who you've ever trusted...it makes you lose faith in everything.

that's why i live my life the way i do. If you don't put yourself out there, you never get hurt. I don't need anyone other than myself. Sure my walls are built way up, but this kind of pain isn't worth crappy relationships.

welcome to my world.

today...

...i won $26 playing poker

...and then i got kicked out of the casino for being underage =]

...and then i got hit on by the guy who kicked me out...

okay, so maybe i'm not TECHNICALLY 21 yet...or even 20 for that matter...but i've come to the conclusion that i will be carded at bars/casinos/etc. for a long long time.

i guess i just have to accept the fact that i will look like i'm about 15 years-old until i'm about 50 years-old.

joe always said that asian people either look like they're 5 or they're 60. There's no inbetween. One day you'll wake up and *poof* you look old.

in other news, there are bugs EVERYWHERE. it's gross. actually, right now, there is some big bug that keeps flying into things (mainly, ME.) but i can't catch it. uugghh..
TOMORROW IS DAY SIX.