I went to church on Christmas Eve for the first time since...last Christmas Eve? probably.

Now, I was born, baptized, raised, and confirmed Catholic. I used to be very involved in my church, until certain circumstances, and then I wasn't. It's a long story.

However, in all that time, I never considered myself to be religious. More spiritual. And I still feel that way.

I don't like the idea of religion. Religions start arguments, fights, and wars. Religions group people together under a belief that not everyone shares. While religions may bring some people together, they place a huge separation between groups of people.

I don't believe in God. Not the Catholic idea of a God, anyway. Not the God that you should fear and be submissive to.

I believe in a higher power. I believe in someone who watches over you, helps you. I believe in someone who you talk to when no one else exists.


However, while I may not agree with or believe the same things that are being preached to me at mass, it was nice being a church again. I DO enjoy the community feeling of being there.

It's nice to see that the same people are doing the readings. It's nice to reconnect with old friends. It's nice to be a part of a community.

Does this mean I'll go back to church? No.
However, it's nice to remember how I got to where I am today.

And I'm liking where I'm at.

so, here's to you...

Today, my sympathy goes to those select FEW college students who have a busy end of their semester.
While most of us are out partying every night and living stress-free lives, poor YOU are stuck inside the library. studying.
Because, oh my gosh, you have FINALS?! i've never had to experience THAT before. That's so awful. I feel so bad for you.
And wait...what's that?! You have final PROJECTS due too?? that's just un-heard of! Those damn professors. Piling all that work on YOU and no other students.
And papers to write too?? You have got to just be making this up now. No college student has EVER written an essay before. You are the first. and the ONLY.
PLEASE.
tell me more about how much work you have to do. I'm intrigued. I've never heard of people having busy, stressful ends to their semester before!
Oh, wait. EVEN BETTER would be if you took a PICTURE of your assignments and posted it on Facebook! So that way, EVERYONE will know how busy you are and have sympathy for you.

So, here's to you, unnaturally busy college student! No one has ever had to endure what you have to endure! You have all my sympathy and I wish you the best of luck! And if you get ANOTHER assignment, or spend ALL NIGHT in the library...PLEASE let me know. I'll be sitting around doing nothing and will be ready to listen, because you are the only one with assignments.

on a completely un-political note...

i've decided that being a good person gets your nowhere.

being a nice, decent, caring person isn't worth it.

everyone is only looking out for themselves. no one REALLY cares about anyone else.
so, being that friend who will RUN down a flight of stairs on a broken foot, because your best friend is upset...sitting there with them while they cry....doesn't really mean anything.
because, at the end of the day, if they're happy, then you're an afterthought.

i will always be taken advantage of. i will always be walked all over.
i will always be that friend who is willing to do ANYTHING for her friends. i will sit with you and listen while you cry. and you will never hear me say a damn word about my life and my problems.
i will talk you though every situation. every break up. every heartache. every little crisis.
knowing, full well, that the SECOND everything is back to normal. the second that you're happy again...you'll be back out with those people who treated you like shit.
and i will be home. by myself.

because no one cares. not really. you need someone to go to when you feel like shit. someone who you know will always be there. no questions asked. no judgment. nothing.
will ALWAYS be there.

but you don't care. not really.


but it's not going to change. ever.
i can't stop being me.
i will never stop throwing birthday parties or making midnight "happy birthday" phone calls...even when i'm miles away. even though, when my birthday rolls around, i know i'll sit home alone.
i will never stop sitting with you when you're upset. leaving a party and my friends to talk to you. sitting with you for hours while you cry. sitting on the phone for hours. even though, when i'm upset, you don't even answer your phone.

yeah.
being a good person isn't worth it. because you will always just be taken for granted.
no one cares.
not really.

nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change

today i woke up in a new America.

today i woke up with a feeling of pride, relief, and hope.
hope that the future will be better. hope that we can change tomorrow. hope that we will change the world.

today i woke up and wore my Barack Obama t-shirt with pride.
i was proud when an African-American man on the street corner and I shared a smile. knowing that, together, we had made history. a smile of hope for a better tomorrow for both of us.
i was proud when a fellow supporter, also wearing a t-shirt, said good morning to me. a stranger to me. but we both knew it was a good morning. it was a new morning.


as a twenty-year-old American, i have grown up in a world of cynicism, doubt, and hate.
cynicism about the world. doubt that it will ever change. and hatred of our government.
since i was twelve years old, i have lived under the presidency of George W. Bush. in all the time that i have actually followed, understood, and held an opinion about politics, i have been under the failed policies of President Bush.
i have been told my entire life, by a middle-to-upper-class, middle-aged, white man...that i can be anything i want to be. i can achieve anything i put my mind to. i have been told by the person who always has the upper hand, that opportunity is always there.

last night, for the first time, i believed it all.
last night, history changed.
last night, the one without the opportunities, money, and privileged upbringing prevailed.

we CAN do anything that we believe.
we CAN change history.
we CAN change the world.
YES. WE. CAN.

Thank you, President-Elect Barack Obama. You have instilled a sense of pride, hope, and belief in me. Something that should have come long ago.

Today, I woke up in a new America.

BARACK OBAMA: 44TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

i'm actually in tears as i write this.
for the first time in...i don't even know how long anymore...i feel like i have hope.
i have faith in our country. i have hope for the next generation.
i am proud to be an American.

today is a life-changing day.
today we made history.

and i could not be more proud to say that i got to use my voice, vote, and help make history.

thank you America. for speaking up. speaking clearly. and helping to change this world.
nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.

thank you, Barack Obama. You made history. You did it.

It all comes down to education...

Obama:
Occidental College - Two years.
Columbia University - B.A. political science with a specialization in international relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

& Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in history and B.A. in political science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

vs.

McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank 894 out of 899

& Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in journalism




...who do you feel more confident about??

Oh, politics...

If anyone reads this, I'm pretty certain they're aware of my political stance.
I've given my two-cents about Obama, Palin, and McCain...
However, at this point, the outcome is up to the American people...and to be perfectly honest...my faith in the American public is dwindling.
Granted, I know that videos like the one I've posted below do not accurately represent the entire American public...but my fear is that there are far more people like this.



If you are not educated in a subject, please do not voice your opinion about it. Do you research. Stop spreading falsehoods.

By now, everyone has heard about the woman who stood up at a McCain rally and stated that she cannot trust Obama because she's read about him and he's an Arab. Sure, McCain quickly took the mic from her and corrected her, stating that Obama is NOT an Arab and is a "decent family man and citizen" (...as if the two are mutually exclusive? Don't get me started on that one).

It's people like this that make Americans look so dumb. I don't know what this woman had "read" or where she gets her information, but clearly she has not put much time into learning about the candidates. And, even if he WERE an Arab...what are your thoughts on his policies?? Because, I'm pretty sure that's a lot more important.

I'm sick of people supporting Palin because she's a woman. Especially Hilary supporters who switched to Palin because of her gender. Are they aware that Palin and Clinton share NO common ground when it comes to any issues? But, that doesn't matter, right? Because they're both female so they're the same.

I'm sick of people saying that Obama hates white people (excuse me, he's half white). I'm sick of people hating him because of his skin color or because of rumors they hear. PLEASE do your research before you vote.


I was listening to the radio and they had a segment called "Positive Politics Friday" and people could call in and say why they're supporting someone for a positive reason (they could say nothing negative about the other candidate). I though it was a really good idea.
One man called it and he said "I'm voting straight Republican because stopping abortion is the only issue that matters right now."
...yes. forget the failing economy...and I hear that there's some war or something going on...but that's not important. Let's focus on stopping abortion.



I understand that I'm not going to agree with everyone, and I appreciate other's opinions. If you have a real, educated, well-thought-out reason to believe what you believe, then more power to you. But if you're against Obama because he's black, hates whites, and is clearly a terrorist, then please...stop talking.

four things...

1. GO CUBS!!! BIG Z with his NO-NO tonight?! First Cubs no hitter since 1972!! We're making history this season! And it's just going to keep on happening!! MAGIC NUMBER = 7!!!!! Nothing could ruin the feeling of an amazing Cubs game! =]

2. I'm a horrible student. I should be reading and writing the 6 page paper that is due tomorrow, but instead I came home after rehearsal and make mac&cheese and fucked around on the internet for awhile...catching up on all my political news...that being said...

3. Sarah Palin scares the shit out of me. Did anyone else catch her interview with Charlie Gibson?? Hey Palin...what's the Bush Doctrine?? I have absolutely ZERO faith in her ability to hold any political office. Go back to your career goal from two years ago and be a tv news anchor. That's really ALL that you're qualified for.

4. On the subject of Sarah Palin...did anyone catch the Tina Fey/Amy Poehler SNL skit?? It's hilarious. Here, watch:
edit: youtube was forced to take all these videos down because of copyright laws. Check out www.nbc.com to see them all. (there are 3 now, i believe.) Hilarious. All of them.

Sarah Palin is Right and Wrong

...and by "right" i mean "conservative"

to go hand-in-hand with my thoughts last night, I found this article on cnn.com today that I thought was incredibly well written. It was written by Hilary Rosen. Enjoy!

-------------

"Warning! This pundit isn't feeling the same way as many of my colleagues about Sarah Palin. She is being attacked for her lack of experience for the job and for whether she should be putting her family first instead of her career.

This just isn't that unusual in my book. And the more it goes on, the more uncomfortable I feel with that message.

Let's reflect. In her acceptance speech, we saw a woman who was compelling, charming and aggressively partisan. She succeeded in demonstrating that she is a regular mom who came to government to make a difference.

And she had that crowd in the convention hall eating out of her hands. Celebrity? It will be hard for the Republicans to attack Sen. Barack Obama for his celebrity now that they have one of their own.

A superstar of the radical right was made Wednesday night. And she may also have made some headway with those who buy her folksiness without knowing the extreme nature of her actual policy views.

So where does this leave us as Democrats in making the case against Sarah Palin and her running mate for president? What is the choice now for the American people? There is a really strong case to be made against the McCain/Palin ticket and Democrats need to make it the right way, right away.

I am a woman who someone took a chance on several years ago when they gave me a job that had only previously been done by old white guys. Experience? How do you get any if no one takes a chance on you? And the decision to take a chance can be instinctive, as John McCain said.
And what about the argument that she is a negligent mother who will be distracted from her important role? I am a mother who constantly feels the pressure from others about whether I am fit to be a parent, whether I put my kids first often enough and whether my children get enough of my attention. Who has the right to judge my family?

My grandmother always said, "You can't tell time on someone else's clock." Judgments about people's personal lives are better left unsaid and unrealized.

So why then do I think that Sarah Palin would be a terrible vice president? Because I also think that John McCain would be a terrible president.

I don't care about how Sarah Palin or John McCain take care of their families. I care about how their policy choices affect my family and millions of other Americans.

McCain and Palin get their health insurance paid for by the government (hers in Alaska and his in Washington). Yet they oppose giving the nearly 46 million uninsured Americans the same access to affordable health care.

John McCain's kids don't have to worry about paying for college. Yet he has opposed every single education support program to help others.

McCain and Palin say they will stand up to oil companies. Yet the only energy policy they support gives millions of dollars in tax breaks to oil companies to do more drilling and he has opposed every piece of federal legislation to explore alternative fuel sources.

McCain and Palin say they will revamp how Washington does business. Yet his campaign is filled with lobbyists and she has cooperated with Sen. Ted Stevens in funneling federal money for useless projects in Alaska for years. And McCain and Palin have no solutions for Americans worrying about their jobs in a fragile economy.

McCain and Palin want us to leave their families alone. Yet they want to make rules for our families by eliminating our right to make our own choices over abortion, eliminate our access to family planning education or domestic partner benefits, and our freedom from discrimination.
They want to control what our kids learn in school about sex and about science. In short, through the policies they promote and the judges they support, they want the government to have more control over our private lives than at any time in history.

McCain and Palin now say their campaign is about change, too. Yet the only real change they have proposed is a change from a suit to a skirt in the vice president's office and one man fighting a misplaced war for another in the Oval Office.

That seems to me to be the right reason to oppose them in November. It's not the process or the people, it's what they represent. This unconventional choice of a vice presidential nominee by John McCain won't result in a win in November, because McCain and Palin are the wrong choice for the country."

No Way. No How. No McCain.

Watching the RNC is making me upset.

I like to watch it because I believe that you cannot properly argue a point until you've heard both sides. I'm not going to read strictly liberal-biased articles...I'll read the conservative ones too. Because the only way you can argue is if you know and understand your opponent's position.
that being said...

let's talk Sarah Palin, eh?

The Republicans decided she should be McCain's running mate because, well, Barack has that whole African-American thing going for him. The Republicans needed a gimmick too...because isn't that what this election is about? Superficial gimmicks instead of actual politics and the issues affecting our country everyday? Right, Republicans?

So now the Republicans have a woman. An anti-feminist woman. A woman who opposes abortion even in the cases of rape, incest, or danger to the life of the mother. A woman who doesn't fight for equal pay for equal jobs. So, the fact that she's a woman doesn't really mean much...it's not like she's going to fight for women's rights. She might as well be an old, white man.

Now, the Republicans have enough going against them in this election. They have a 72-year-old candidate who has had cancer and honestly looks like he could fall over and die any second. We have an economy that is going down the toilet, fast and they have a candidate who has agreed with President Bush 95% of the time in the last year. They have a candidate who is endorsed by the worst President in our nation's history. They have a candidate who is getting ready to serve Bush's 3rd term.

But because they seem to be hiding the fact that Senator McCain is Bush's clone, all they rely on are their attacks against Senator Obama. And we all know their biggest attack is that Obama is too young and too inexperienced to run this country.

Well, congratulations Republicans. You have successfully found someone YOUNGER and MORE INEXPERIENCED that our candidate, and in turn lost your biggest attack. You may argue that Gov. Palin isn't running for President, but for VP. However, with a candidate who probably won't even live out his entire term, we have to be prepared for the very real idea that, if McCain is elected, she will be our president at some point.

Let's compare them, shall we?


Sarah Palin is 44 years old. The extent of her schooling is a Bachelor's Degree in Journalism. She served as a city council member in Wasilla, Alaska (with a population of just over 6,000 people) for 4 years, became the Mayor of Wasilla for 6 years, and has been the Governor of Alaska for 20 months.


Barack Obama is 47 years old. He has his B.A. in Political Science with a specialization in International Relations. He graduated magna cum laude from Harvard Law School where he served as an editor for the prestigious Harvard Law Review. He worked as a community organizer for 3 years, served as a member of the Illinois Senate for 7 years, and has been the Junior Senator from Illinois for over 3 years.


Now, please tell me. WHO has less experience?

I COULD jump into the other petty arguments, but I agree with Barack Obama. This campaign is no place to attack the opponent's families. It is not relevant and it is not necessary. Stick to the facts, stick to the issues. And the fact is, putting McCain/Palin into the White House would cause a huge issue for this country.


I will end with a quote from this country's potential future VP:

"As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day? I'm used to being very productive and working real hard in an administration. We want to make sure that that VP slot would be a fruitful type of position."
- Sarah Palin

Dear Mr. President...

Dear Mr. President,
Come take a walk with me.
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?
How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?

Dear Mr. President,
Were you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say no child is left behind?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell.

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye?

Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way

Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away

Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box

Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing 'bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work

How do you sleep at night?
How do you walk with your head held high?

Dear Mr. President,
You'd never take a walk with me.
Would you?

the customer is always right?

today i work, i compiled a list in my head of things that i encounter at work that cause me to hate people.



1. when a guy a girl walk up and he orders for her. "...and SHE'LL have..." - ugh. im pretty fucking sure she can speak for herself.

2. when a girl and guy walk up and only she orders...and then when its time to pay, she just turns at looks at the guy, who reluctantly pulls out his wallet and pays for her - i just wanna shout at him "DUMP HER." oh goodness. i get chivalry and paying for the girl, but the girl should be EXPECTING it. that's disgusting.

3. situations like this:
me - what size would you like?
girl - (turns to guy) what size do you want?
guy - original
girl - (to me) original
me - would you like a free boost?
girl - (to guy) do you want a free boost?

...etc. you get the idea. CLEARLY, he is standing right there. yes, i can hear him. you don't need to relate his answers to me. thanks for being overbearing.

4. when people hand me handfuls of money. not like 5 singles, flattened out and easy to count. but when its just crumples of bills. - REALLY?! how are you even carrying that around like that? i just don't understand.

5. people who practically whisper. - do you HEAR the music? do you HEAR the 5 blenders going? do you HEAR the entire staff yelling to each other? do you HEAR the crowded lobby? ...now, do you think i can understand your order when you practically whisper at me??

6. when you call out an order and no one responds. and so you call it out again, louder, and the person standing right in front of you gives you a bitchy look like "yea. im right-fucking-here" - im sorry. i dont know you. i dont know your name. how the fuck am i supposed to know that you are lindsay with an original strawberry wild with an energy boost??

7. and on that note, there are OTHER drinks than a Strawberry Wild with an energy boost. i understand that you are unable to think for yourself, but just because the 3 friends you came with ordered this drink, doesnt mean you have to.

8. oh. and when one teeny-bopper orders an original strawberry wild with energy boost. and then the next teeny-bopper comes up.
me- what size do you want?
teenybopper - (giggles. turns to friend. gets friend's attention) what size did you get? (giggles more)

and then literally just orders whatever their friend ordered. after re-asking them everything i ask. its annoying.

9. teeny boppers in general. - im really glad that you dressed up in your sluttiest clothes and put on too much makeup...to go to the streets of woodfield. seriously. where are your mothers? i would have NEVER been allowed out of my house looking like that when i was 14.

10. situations like this:
me - what would you like today?
person - *long long pause* uhhh....strawberry wild
me - which size would you like?
person - *even longer pause* uhh....sixteen....no, original...no, sixteen. yea. the small one.
me - and would you like a free boost in that?
person - whats a free boost?
me - *explains*
person -*long long long long pause* oh. uh. no. no thanks.
me - *gives total price. asks for name. get money*
person - *long pause* ...is it too late to add a boost??


the end.
i love jamba. i hate stupid people.

peace.
love.
jamba.
haha =]

Change We Can Believe In

This is a couple days overdue, but i work too much.

Barack Obama has clenched the Democratic nomination.

On top of being an inspirational candidate, a strong leader, and a human who is filled with passion, drive, and determination...Barack Obama is probably THE most eloquent speaker I've ever seen.

As someone who has stood only a few feet away from him as he spoke, I understand first-hand just how powerful he is. He truly knows how to fill a room with energy and hope.

But anyone who saw his speech on Tuesday understands this too.

SEEING and HEARING him speak are what makes him so amazing. However, the words used are genius.

"Sixteen months have passed since we first stood together on the steps of the Old State Capitol in Springfield, Illinois. Thousands of miles have been traveled. Millions of voices have been heard. And because of what you said – because you decided that change must come to Washington; because you believed that this year must be different than all the rest; because you chose to listen not to your doubts or your fears but to your greatest hopes and highest aspirations, tonight we mark the end of one historic journey with the beginning of another – a journey that will bring a new and better day to America. Tonight, I can stand before you and say that I will be the Democratic nominee for President of the United States. "

"America, this is our moment. This is our time. Our time to turn the page on the policies of the past. Our time to bring new energy and new ideas to the challenges we face. Our time to offer a new direction for the country we love."



So, this November, Clinton and Obama supporters must come together and elect change into Washington. We don't need another Bush. We don't need more war. We don't need a leader who doesn't know how to inspire the country, who doesn't know how to build energy, who doesn't know how to create change. We don't need a leader who doesn't know how to restore hope to a country who has forgotten how to hope.

"This was the moment – this was the time – when we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves, and our highest ideals. "

thank you...

im not sure who all reads this, but i felt that i needed to send out a tribute to two people. i've recently decided to remove (or TRY to...) the negative energy from my life. Lately, i've been thinking that i'm not a happy or fun person anymore...but then i realized that it's only when i'm with certain people...so why stick around with people who aren't making me the best version of myself? I need to learn to be strong enough to walk away.

Fortunately, i'm lucky enough to be blessed with some truly amazing people in my life. The people who make me laugh and enjoy life...and who are always there for me when things go badly with the other type of people.

First, is to Selvin. My boo. Booger. Mustard. Brick face. Chez Borger. Smellvin. (we have a lot of stupid nicknames...and the list keeps growin). I legitimately don't know what I'd do without him around. He definitely keeps me sane and calm...knowing exactly what to say and do to handle my freak-outs. But in addition to being my strength at times, he's also the most fun person to be around. He's almost a bigger goof than i am and always knows how to make me laugh. Plus, he lives and breathes music and dance, just like me. He's introduced me to so much good shit that I never would have even heard of without him. So thanks boo =] you're, without a doubt, one of the best friends i've ever had in my life. I can't wait to sleep on your couch next year! haha. Peace. Love. Music. Dance.

The other is this girl. My soulmate. The ONLY girlfriend that i've had since we were kids. The only one who hasn't stabbed me in the back or disrespected me. Of course we've had our ups and downs, but the fact that we've become so close again this past year means the world to me. I don't know what I would have done this past semester, especially, without her on the other end of the phone. Boys come in and out of our lives, but we always have each others back though each shitty break-up. The stuff we share with each other, no one else would understand...but this girl gets me. Our drives (to you know where...haha!) are some of the best times ever. "Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates...and guys are just people to have fun with." Laur, you're the best friend a girl could ask for. You know that you deserve the world and you're strong enough to get it. Thanks for being there through all the freak-outs, drama-filled stories, drunken walks home on the phone (biggest rice krispie treat EVER), drunken walks home on U of I's campus (and falling in the middle of the street), emotional crises, laughing that will give us rock-hard abs, and the millions of tears shed...you're amzing =]

things i've learned, realized, decided...

1. the only people who you need in your life are the ones who need you in theirs. so, be strong enough to walk away.

2. a girl is lost without her girlfriends. and i have some of the best =]

3. cherry limeade smoothies are the greatest things ever. EVER. i guarantee it...and i am a smoothie expert.

4. Sex & the City was fabulous, no matter what anyone else says. It was perfect.

5. Florida is spelled like the rapper Flo Rida. And now i'll never misspell it again =]

6. summer is for excessive sleeping. i'm taking full advantage...

7. i really really really want to learn how to play guitar. i need to be able to jam to relax.

8. gas prices suck. especially because my favorite thing to do is drive, late at night, listening to some chill music, clearing my head. can't do that at $4.25/gallon =(

9. i LOVE the cubs. (okay, so i always knew this...) but HELL YEA. they're rockin it this season. THIS is the cubbies that i know they can be =]

10. you know you work at jamba when you come home reeking of citrus and are covered in orange juice/sticky from sherbet...and you realize that the only thing you've put into your body that day is 2 smoothies and like 12 matcha shots because you were working for 11 hours =]

P.S. I Love You

I've always prided myself on being deeper than a stupid, shallow movie. I like the *great* movies which make you think about life and society and the bigger picture. You know, the award winners.

But, I am still an almost-20-year-old-girl. So I love romantic comedies. I can't help it. It's part of my programming. But I haven't seen a GREAT romantic comedy in a long long time.

I love Love Actually and could watch that movie over and over. But until tonight I hadn't found another movie like that. But my soulmate and best friend came over tonight and we watched P.S. I Love You.

Now, you can give me as much crap as you want about how you think it's a shitty movie because, well, you're so cultured and would never be caught dead liking a movie that would jeopardize your reputation that you've built up upon yourself...but I loved it.

I honestly cried...continuously...throughout the entire movie. I don't think I've ever cried like that because of a movie before. My throat hurt from crying so much and I was left with a giant pile of kleenex.


I know how cynical I am. I know how jaded I've become. I know that I continuously argue that love doesn't exist. There is no way it can. I've never seen it. I question daily if I ever truly felt it.

But the truth is (are you ready for this?) that I wish and hope and pray with every fiber of my being that true love...great love...is out there.

I know that this is a Hollywood movie. Stuff like this doesn't happen in real life. It's scripted and planned out and not real. But, I just want a taste of it. I want to experience someone who changes my life...for the better. I want to kiss someone and have it be the end of the world as they knew it.

But I'm not one to compromise. So, until someone comes and sweeps me off my feet, I'll go back to being a cynical non-believer...and live vicariously though watching P.S. I Love You excessively...

you just have to know where to look

lately i've felt like i'm completely devoid of any true friends.
but in reality, its just that the people i see the most often are the ones who disrespect me the most. and that's really unfortunate. i put my faith in the wrong people.

turns out, you just have to know where to look.

tonight, i got to hang out with some girlfriends who i havent gotten to see in FOREVER because we've all been so busy. it was fabulous. a great night. and they invited me out Friday night and told me that I have a place on their futon next year if I need it.

I guess I DO have some true girlfriends =]

and then, of course, there is my Lauren. I would be completely lost without that girl. The ONLY girlfriend that I still have since elementary school. its just really relieving to know I have her to come home to this summer.

and jb and i have started talking again. real talking. not fighting. i feel no jealousy. i feel no anger. we've finally moved past it all. and that's the best feeling in the world.


selvin - my baby boo. my facebook husband. he's always there to listen to me when im stressed or upset. he's dealt with my venting and complaining. i honestly would not have made it though this semeter without him. and i won't make it though next year without his couch =]

i maintain that you just have to know where to look. sometimes people (meaning...me) get so focused on the negative that it overshadows the positive. i have so many amazing friends. so many people who truly care about me and are there for me. i can't let the haters get me down.

i'm a very negative person

i've come to realize.
so, i'm gonna work on my positivity.

things that made me smile today:

1. Watched a movie in my Drama Lit class - Angels in America very interesting. Modern. AIDS. homosexuality. drug addiction. it's like RENT! minus the music.

2. Got out of my LAST EVER 2-hour Journalism class after 20 minutes

3. Hung out with my faux-husband for almost 2 hours =] ...meaning, i distracted him while he was working in the radio office. but its okay. because we have to make sacrifices to find time to see each other. so it made me super happy.

4. Advertising project is DONE. and turned in. and out of my hands. and it turned out better than i had expected...

5. Got out of my 1.25-hour Advertising class after 15 minutes. which meant that I worked for an hour longer. which means more money.

6. Free pizza and hanging out for an hour during rehearsal with joe and jess. which meant one less hour of rehearsing. and one more hour of hanging out and laughing.



there. see? i can like things too.
i'm ignoring the fact that my job pisses me off SO much. and that i had a 5 hour rehearsal tonight. and that i'm stressed for EVERYTHING that i need to finish by this weekend. eek!


but. finals and final projects are stressful. but soon, it will be summer. and i love summer. and i'll be home. and smiling.


peace

a non-exhaustive, unordered list of things that i currently hate and/or am annoyed with

...that's a long title.
anyway,


1. snow. when its practically april. where the hell is the warm weather?

2. people who walk rreeaallllyy slow. if i step on you when im walking to class, it's you're own damn fault.

3. cleaning my bathroom. on my ONLY free day. when i could be sleeping or going out.

4. disrespectful roommates. ...enough said. if you know me, you understand. and you've probably gotten an earful about it

5. my drama literature class. seriously. puts me to sleep. shouldnt we be discussing? rather than having you read it line-by-line and giving us a pointless plot outline of what we've already read?

6. my philosophy class.

7. no, scratch that. PHILOSOPHY in general. yes, that tree exists. i dont care how long you discuss it for. in the end, the tree exists. go hit your head against it multiple times if you don't believe me.

8. my schedule. this falls under the "annoyed with" category because i love being involved and i love theatre...but i'm SO tired. im doing too much and it's killing me.

9. selfish people who only think about themselves and their boyfriend. and who don't do anything productive with their life because they've already dropped a class so they're taking like 12 credits and working like 6 hours a week, but still can't manage to pick up after themselves, take the garbage out once in awhile, wash their damn dishes, or contribute in any way. also, the same selfish people who are disrespectful of other people because they're too busy being irresponsible with their lives. ....this is completely hypothetical.... =]

10. the new "people you might know" thing on facebook. it's just a new level of creepy...

YES. WE. CAN.

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.
Yes we can.
It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom.
Yes we can.
It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.
Yes we can.
It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballots; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.
Yes we can to justice and equality.
Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity.
Yes we can heal this nation.
Yes we can repair this world.
Yes we can.
We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics...they will only grow louder and more dissonant.
We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.
But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.
Now the hopes of the little girl who goes to a public school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea --Yes. We. Can.

"And where we are met with cynicism and doubt and fear and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of the American people in three simple words -- YES. WE. CAN." --Barack Obama

cynical and logical

i want to be single.
i mean, i enjoy being single.
and i don't want a boyfriend.

why?

because i've seen WAY too many people throw their lives away because of a relationship.

take example one:
girl is good student. girl works hard.
girl gets new boyfriend. new boyfriend sleeps in girls room EVERY night. girl starts getting about 2 hours of sleep every night.
girl doesn't start homework until well after midnight.
girl's grades slip.
girl fails out of college
[okay, so those last two aren't true...yet]
all because girl would rather spend all her time with new boyfriend.


therefore, new relationship...one that, in all honesty, probably wont last because, well, it's college...is going to compromise girl's ability to get good grades, graduate with honors, get a good job and have a successful life.

am i over-exaggerating? maybe.

but i throw myself into everything i do. i'm going to be incredibly successful in whatever i do, because i won't let myself be anything less.

and i'm definitely not about to let some random guy get in the way of that.


example two:
girl has long-term boyfriend.
boyfriend is kind of a jerk.
girl is too afraid to leave him, so she stays with him.
this hinders girl from enjoying college, making new friends, having great experiences.
all because boyfriend is sufficating her life.
girl dumps boyfriend.
girl is MUCH happier, has a lot more fun, and has her life back.
coincidence? i think not.


example three:
girl has long-term boyfriend.
girl spend ALL her time with long-term boyfriend.
[long-term boyfriend has no personality]
girl stops talking to best girl-friend because of boyfriend.
girl and boyfriend break up.
girl goes running back to best friend.
girl gets new boyfriend.
girl abandons best friend.


i WILL NOT be that.
ive seen wwaayy too many 2-week relationships come in the way of lifetime friendships.
whats more important?


last example:
boy meets girl.
girl is slutty.
girl is pretty.
boy dates girl because of sluttiness and prettieness.
girl is without intelligence or personality.
boy gives up lifelong friendship because of insecurities of dumb, boring, but slutty and pretty new girlfriend.



i think i've proved my point.
case closed.


also, when did it become acceptable for roommate #1's boyfriend to move into their room without consulting with roommate #2? now, roommate #2 may not care that boyfriend is over a lot, but when boyfriend has his own toothbrush here? *rolls eyes*

relationships disgust me.
i'm too cynical for my own good.

what's your story??

We talked in one of my classes yesterday about how everyone has a story.
Everyone has a backstory, something other people can relate to, something that makes them human.

There are websites and books DEDICATED to telling your story.
www.postsecret.com
"Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs"
Story Corps - on NPR or www.storycorps.net
"Listening is an Act of Love" by David Isay

Then, we had everyone write down an unusual fact about themselves...something that not many people knew. Just to get a small glimpse at their story.

And people write down things like "I worked for Conan O'Brian" and "I have a metal rod in my back" and other interesting, unusual facts. Facts that make you realize that they DO have this amazing story to tell.

And then I look at myself.

I have yet to experience anything extraordinary...



If you were to tell your life story today...would anyone even listen??