Heaven's not a place that you go when you die

It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive...

My heaven:

1. Driving and belting out The Tide by The Spill Canvas with Carl and Jake
2. Sitting on my bathroom floor with Katie at 4am, drunk, laughing, and rehydrating.
3. Rupert's Clubhouse.
4. Snow football at midnight.
5. Laying in bed, talking all night.



...So live for the moment and take this advice, live by every word
Love is just a hoax so forget everything that you have heard

i have this sudden urge to drink...heavily...

its funny how you think you're completely over something...until it comes and slaps you across the face.

or until it comes and slaps itself across your newsfeed on facebook. ha. oh, technology.

now, he = in a relationship with her
me = emotional mess

why can't i rise above this??

he walks away unscarred and untouched. he walks away unaffected.
i walk away with trust issues. i walk away with the inability to get close to ANY guy. i walk away hurt, confused, and completely changed.

why is this fair?
the one who was wrong can just walk away and move on and lead a normal life.
and me? i'm scarred.


i'm just done with men in general. done. they're all the fucking same.

fuck you.

If you needed love
Well then ask for love
Could have given love
Now I'm taking love
And it's not my fault
Cause you both deserve
What is coming now
So don't say a word

yes, i'm learning again

1. hookah bars = amazing fun. hookah = my new favorite.

2. chicago = home. the second i graduate, i'm back down there. i couldn't imagine any other life.

3. i am not a very affectionate person. in fact, touchy-feeling crap makes me super uncomfortable.

4. my boss is more immature than i am, and she's 40. honestly needs to come to terms with her age. YOU ARE NOT 15 YEARS OLD. STOP TALKING LIKE IT. and, goddamnit, start acting more professionally.

5. i'm done dealing with everyone else's problems. yes, i'm a good friend. but if you take advantage of that by bitching to me about EVERYTHING, i won't be such a good friend anymore. savvy?

6. as much fun as i'm having being single, and trust me...i AM, there are definitely times when all i want to do is lay with the one person in the world who i am truly comfortable with...

7. i'm definitely growing up. learning how to manage my time and act 100% more responsibly. and my midterm grades definitely reflected that.

8. i'm proud of myself for the first time in awhile.

9. i prefer sleeping by myself to sleeping with someone else. i need my space.

10. i get super anxious on city buses. i freak out a little and it's not fun.

11. i think i'm claustrophobic. i hate being completely engulfed by someone's arms, i hate feeling trapped, and i hyperventilate in the shower when the shower curtain causes the space to shrink.

12. awkward conversations are becoming more and more frequent in my life.

13. do NOT make out with your good friends. it leads to being in the same room with that person for 3 hours with other friends, and being completely ignored...

14. if you give a guy you're number...he just might call...AWKWARD.


one thing that emily ISN'T learning:

1. THE CHINESE SONG DYNASTY. yea, i'm going to fail my quiz tomorrow...

i'm jaded, stupid, and wreckless

so tonight i've come to the conclusion that i don't have the mother gene in me. i really never do want to have kids.
i don't have the bridal gene in me. i really don't think i'll ever get married. the idea of spending the rest of my life with ONE person just makes me uneasy.

i thought i had gotten over my commitment issues, but maybe i just did it FOR him. and now that i'm not with him anymore...just the IDEA of dating one person is just not appealing to me. at all.

my roomie and her boyfriend (who are so "in love"' ugh.) were telling me that "i'd find someone who fits with me" and who has my random sarcastic sense of humor and who gets me. and i was like "fuck that. i don't believe in love"

where did this person come from? i'm completely cynical and jaded. i dont believe in love. i don't believe in marriage. i never want kids. i don't feel comfortable with commitment.



i really wish i believed in something.

My Religious Views...

I believe in the Chicago Cubs.

I love being a Cubs fan, living in Milwaukee right now.
I love the dirty looks I get when I wear my Cubs hat or a Cubs shirt.
I love passing someone on the street who is wearing a Brewer's hat/shirt. You can just feel the tension.
I love walking down the road and passing someone else in their Cubs gear. We'll both smile. It's like we're sharing a secret.


People always ask WHY i'm a Cubs fan. They never win, and when they do, they manage to fuck it up in the last minute. Aren't I sick of waiting around for a day that hasn't happened in 99 years?


It's because being a Cubs fan is respectable. People don't hate the Cubs like they hate the Yankees or Sox.
It's because Cubs fans get each other. We all dream of the day when the Cubs will win the World Series, but unlike every other team's fans, we don't turn away from our team when they don't win.
It's because we can still fill Wrigley even if we're losing, but sox fans can't fill the Cell even thought they've won the World Series in the past 2 years.



It's Wrigley Field
It's yelling "root root root for the CUBBIES" during the 7th inning stretch
It's the stories and the history
It's dressing in Cubbie Blue
It's knowing what the 14 and 10 in left field and the 23 and 26 in right represent
It's singing "GO CUBS GO!" after a win

It's a CUBS FAN thing.

you wouldn't understand.

things i learned at u of i...

1. shot box may SEEM like a good life decision at the time...it's not.

2. every girlfriend has one girl that they don't trust their boyfriend with. for her, it's me. interesting.

3. best friends don't have to talk every day...but the ability to pick up right where you left off is the test of a true friendship =] *soulmate*

4. falling on your face in the middle of the street = very humbling experience...

5. the sign of a good night is when you're still drunk/hungover until 4pm the next day...

6. i am now a huge illini football fan =]

7. Zas = delicious

8. i cannot wait until i'm 21 and can get into the bars in milwaukee, because going to the bars is amazing fun.

9. being a girl rocks because boys buy you drinks and pay your cover =]

10. peeing in a bar bathroom, in a stall without a door, is probably the most fearless thing i've ever done.

11. blonde guys always catch my eye...

12. i have self control even when i'm drunk. that's probably a good thing to know.

13. im a sucker for kisses on the forehead...

14. being single is exactly what i need to be right now.

15. i love my friends who go to u of i and i miss them terribly when i'm not with them.

16. if i were to actually go to u of i...i would probably DIE. one weekend is amazing, but i don't think i could handle partying like that every weekend...


here's to the best weekend i've had in a long time...with the best friend i've had for a lifetime...

best friend

Soulmate - someone who you love, trust, and know is always going to be a part of your life.

today i feel...

things that make me smile:
1. Scrubs episodes are ALWAYS back-to-back.
2. Jimmy John's. My dinner got here in about 3 minutes tonight.
3. Iron Chef America.
4. The fact that I could pass my PsycStats while I'm sleeping.
5. Getting to see my U of I lovers this weekend =]


things that don't make me smile:
1. a quiz every day this week...on top of a speech and paper due as well...
2. the fact that I have extreme writer's block right now.
3. stress. stress. stress. stress. stress.
4. watching a previously unbreakable relationship slip away...

six years ago today...

it's weird to think it's been that long.
i was in eighth grade. that's forever ago.
and to think, the 9/11 babies are now 6 years old. going into kindergarden.

it's still sad and it's still something that will have affected every American.


President Bush,
In the past SIX years, what have you accomplished?

friendship?

Everyone knows that scene from When Harry Met Sally.

no, not the fake orgasm scene (although, one of my favorites)

That scene in the car where they talk about how "men and women can never be friends because sex always gets in the way"

Exibit A: I go to school with this guy. Now, I guess I'd call him my friend, but we've only hung out once or twice. He seems like he'd be a cool guy to hang out with...but every good conversation we have is ruined by him trying to hit on me. It's annoying and uncomfortable. I mean, how do you respond to someone calling you the most beautiful girl ever...when you're completely uninterested? It's sad. It could have been a good friendship, but it's ruined.


on the other hand...


Exibit B: I met this guy last year. We just clicked and we get along really well. He's without a doubt my best guy friend up here. He has a girlfriend, and when I met him I had a boyfriend. Our relationship is completely platonic. However, my roommate is convinced that we both secretly want each other. I can assure you that I'm not attracted to him in any sexual/romantic way. But my roommate is one of those people that doesn't think a guy and girl can just be friends.


So, CAN a guy a girl be JUST FRIENDS?

THE BEST START TO MY SOPHOMORE YEAR!!!

...and by "best," i actually mean "worst."

I'm currently sitting in my room, waiting for my mom to come pick me up and take me home.
I've yet to go to ANY classes, and I won't go to any classes until next week.

I'm restless. I just want to do something USEFUL. but i'm stuck here, being too sick to function. and I've managed to stump the doctors at the Student Health Services. I'm special.

I've hardly seen any of my friends because today markes the first day I've ventured out of my dorm since I've moved in. (count 'em: 4 days)

and on top of it all, I can't eat. I've been living on applesauce (and just barely eating THAT) since oh, Thursday? Yea. Haven't eaten in 5 days. I just want a fucking hamburger. I am so hungry.

and I can't sleep. Well, i CAN, but I'll just wake up in pain. I can't get through a full night. and I wake up early. and I'm miserable.

I look disgusting. I feel digusting.
I'm absolutely miserable.

Good thing I'm going home...so I can be miserable all by myself, with no one watching. I'm so lame. Sophomore year sucks so far.

ink

i am in LOVE with tattoos.
if i had the balls, or the money, i would cover my entire body in tattoos.
it's just art. it's so beautiful. and it's such an amazing form of self-expression. to be able to say "hey, this is me. this is a part of my life." and to permanently carry that around with you on your body. they can represent a stage in your life. they can represent a personality trait.

mine is a constant reminder that i AM independent. i AM empowered. that i don't need anyone in my life. i can make it on my own. it also is a reminder to stay true to myself. i am energetic, excitable, short-tempered, and stubborn. the good and the bad. i am myself. i am a dragon.


LAink is slowly replacing Miami ink in my heart. Probably because i'm obsessed with Kat Von D. She's so amazing.

in other news, 4 days til MU. i should probably start packing?

Road Rage?

I bet, if you were to look up statistics, people who drive into and out of Chicago everyday have stress levels 1000% higher than the rest of the population.

I drove in Chicago rush hour traffic for the first time EVER today, because, well, I tend to avoid Chicago during rush hour. And let me tell you, when I live in the city in 3 years, I will NOT own a car. It's not even worth it, for the stress and gas used and just...no. Chicago drivers are all assholes =]


It was my last day at Jamba today. Bittersweet. I'm going to miss everyone. Some people who weren't working came in specifically to say bye to me =] i love those guys so much...

It's weird, I have so many people who care about me. People who are willing to go out of their way for me. People who don't treat me like crap...Yet, for some reason, I keep going back to the one person in my life who treats me horribly. LAME.

Tonight was one of those nights that felt like a movie. We sat in the parking lot after close. Life is all about living in the moment. I'm sick of wishing I was somewhere else. From now on, i'm just going to BE. Fabulous. Let's see how this works...


What I learned from HSMTWO:
1. "I don't care about my future. I care what my friends think about me!" Thanks Troy Bolton...
2. "We're all in this together." In case they didn't say that often enough to drill it into your head. FUN DRINKING GAME: take a shot everytime someone says "we're all in this together." I guarantee you'll get stupid.
3. "You're going to get so wet!!" Thanks Troy...for showing that even squeeky-clean teenagers have a dirty side...
4. When Troy Bolton is upset, he cannot make a basket. He showed that in both HSM and HSMTWO. Oh how the symbolism just slaps you across the face.
5. If you want to lose a girlfriend quickly, give her a necklace with your initial on it. That won't creep her out or make her feel branded at all...
6. Most importantly, this movie/musical showed me that musical theatre really is dead. Thank you, Disney.

more things I've learned...

it's been an eventful past week.

1. do NOT believe everything you hear, especially if it comes from someone who likes to gossip. (yea, i probably should have learned this A LONG TIME AGO...)

2. there is no better feeling in the world than rekindling an old, close friendship.

3. the only satisfying way to live life is to just let go. don't think, just DO.

4. skinny dipping and streaking are two of the most liberating, relaxing, and exciting things to do.

5. *REMOVED*

6. exhaustion does not = falling asleep easily. i hate my insomnia and i hate my restless mind. my body will be physically exhausted from work, but i don't know how to relax my mind, and i won't fall asleep until about 7am. it's frustrating.



there's probably a lot more, but i'm going to six flags tomorrow (for the first time in practically 4 years, i think!!) so i should probably at least ATTEMPT to sleep.


smile.laugh.love.dance.

life is what happens when you're not paying attention

someone came into work today.
someone who i haven't had contact with in at least 3 years.
someone who used to be a huge part of my life.
someone who could have gotten me into some serious trouble those 3 years ago.
someone who i still worry about from time to time.
that someone came into work today.

and i think i stopped breathing.
after he left, my friend asked me if i was okay because she said i looked like i was ready to cry.

it's weird how someone can have such an effect on your life, even after years have passed. just seeing their face...hearing their voice...can stop time. and maybe not even in a good way. but i never thought i'd see him again. and i never thought that i'd even be affected if i saw him again.

i just hope he's doing okay...


three things i've learned:
1. my boss wants me to become a manager at jamba, if i wasn't leaving again for school. sweet. that means im pretty pimp at what i do =]
2. it's so much harder than it seems to let go of relationships. so so so much harder.
3. mecham road SUCKS. especially when it's narrowed down to ONE LANE. that's right, one lane for BOTH directions of traffic. i sat there for about 20 minutes today. lame lame lame.

10 things I have learned in the past few days...

1. Work goes by SO much faster if you love the people you work with...which i do =]

2. There's really only one person I care about in the entire world. He's my absolute best friend, though thick and thin...through every stupid fight we have. He's the only person I'd miss if I left here.

3. SO many people rely on me. It's somewhat flattering, but somewhat annoying because, frankly, i don't care very much.

4. Junior High girls who walk around in practically NO clothes, and come into Jamba on a Saturday night because they have nothing better to do with their lives than walk around the Streets of Woodfield, hoping to catch attention of some scummy older guy, until their mommies come to pick them up disgust me. Yes, i judge EVERYONE who walks into Jamba Juice. You'll get over it.

5. Stepping is A LOT harder than it looks...

6. Incompetence is obnoxious. Seriously, learn what you need to learn and KNOW it. Put forth some effort. and if you're not an expert, then stop acting so cocky. Overconfident incompetence is even more obnoxious.

7. I actually like to work out. But I'm usually either working...or sleeping...or awake but exhausted from work. So I don't work out. But I really need to start...again.

8. I'm a firm believer in learning something new everyday. That doesn't mean learning new gossip or something. For example, yesterday I learned how to take down the Crathcos at work. Probably doesn't seem very important to anyone else, but do YOU know how to take apart, clean, and reassemble Crathcos? Didn't think so.

9. Too many of these have to do with work. Because too much of my life is spent at work. But I'm getting paid to goof around with people who I love (and, of course, making smoothies...). That's probably more than you can say...

10. Falling blenders cause bruises.

TRUST

is a waste of time.

EVERYONE will deceive you.
NO ONE is sincere.
and EVERYONE will lie to you.

trusting someone is just giving them the opportunity to hurt you. and everyone will take advantage of that opportunity.

No one is honest. People lie to save their own asses.
security is a manipulative emotion. you will fall into a false sense of security until someone comes along and rips you out of it by betraying you.

it's not a mystery that i have serious trust issues. Everyone who knows me knows that.
But when you lose trust in the only person who you've ever trusted...it makes you lose faith in everything.

that's why i live my life the way i do. If you don't put yourself out there, you never get hurt. I don't need anyone other than myself. Sure my walls are built way up, but this kind of pain isn't worth crappy relationships.

welcome to my world.

today...

...i won $26 playing poker

...and then i got kicked out of the casino for being underage =]

...and then i got hit on by the guy who kicked me out...

okay, so maybe i'm not TECHNICALLY 21 yet...or even 20 for that matter...but i've come to the conclusion that i will be carded at bars/casinos/etc. for a long long time.

i guess i just have to accept the fact that i will look like i'm about 15 years-old until i'm about 50 years-old.

joe always said that asian people either look like they're 5 or they're 60. There's no inbetween. One day you'll wake up and *poof* you look old.

in other news, there are bugs EVERYWHERE. it's gross. actually, right now, there is some big bug that keeps flying into things (mainly, ME.) but i can't catch it. uugghh..
TOMORROW IS DAY SIX.

For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic*

Today is DAY 1.
Day one of the fabulous trip to middle-of-nowhere-Wisconsin. Middle-of-nowhere-Wisconsin, with no cell reception and no one even remotely close to my age...
Day one of the potentially most boring week of my life.

My silver lining?
I'm currently stealing a wireless signal from the cabin next door.

That, and, I just had a Captin and Coke and am feeling pretty good =]

So far since I've been up here, I've napped, listened to music, started re-reading HP6 (before I continue with HP7), ate dinner, listened to more music...

My other silver lining?
This week away from Joe will probably be good for me. Good for us.
It'll keep me from killing him...

today is day one.
one down. six to go.

this isn't particularly deep or insightful or thought-provoking, or hell, even important.
I can only assume I'll get to that later tonight...when I post again...because I won't be sleeping.
Fabulous.




*Paramore

Ignorance Disgusts Me...

Yes, I'm obsessed with SYTYCD. We'll get over it.
The first thing that happened on tonight's elimination show was that Mia Michaels and Nigel Lythgoe APOLOGIZED to America. Now, I understand apologizing if any viewers were offended, but I don't believe that they should have apologized for their actions, because, in truth, they did nothing wrong. They exercised their freedom of speech. But to live in a world where people are forced to APOLOGIZE for their opinions?? There's something incredibly disturbing about that.

I feel the need to re-post this. This was posted on one of the message boards on the SYTYCD website...it's upsetting and disgusting...It's scary how ignorant some Americans are. Again, I am proud to be American and I support our troops. Being anti-war doesn't make me un-American, as this uninformed person alludes to.

I was completely disgusted by Wednesday night's anti-war show. And all the more after Lythgoe's (lack of) apology Thursday night. America didn't start this war, but we must finish it successfully. And, yes, Nigel, there are many patriots who, knowing what's at stake, want this war to continue to victory. Our troops voluntarily risk their lives so some leftist choreographer can trash their valliant effort. Thanks to their protective sacrifice, he can. But it wasn't just one dance. Or two or three or four or five or even six. Ten times!!!!!!!!!! Oh how America's enemies must be laughing as they replay the show. Yes, probably Osama and Al-Qaeda, too, we saw the list grow Wednesday night, didn't we?

And just as the Marines were offended by a judge's connived coat that made a premeditated anti-military statement, my wife and I were greatly offended by the misuse and abuse of "Amazing Grace" during Wednesday night's protest. The up-tempo routine danced to America's favorite hymn had nothing to do with its reverent message. How else can we take it except as another premeditated slap. Made us turn the other cheek, huh?

I suppose you expect us to believe the show's producers and Fox officials didn't discuss blatant airing of 10 anti-war performances or the total lack of sensitivity in misusing "Amazing Grace?" Of course both aspects were considered and approved. So you calculated and chose to insult the vast majority of Americans who make the luxury of dancing and entertainment television possible. You obviously don't care about salt-of-the-earth citizens.

Try another apology, but this time make it honest and heart-felt. Maybe a patriotic program to undo some of the great damage you've done? Yes, damage, because such anti-war protests embolden Iraq's terrorists to hold out longer and strive to kill even more of our boys to spark even more inappropriate TV protests. Thanks "So You Think You Can Dance." Thanks Fox. Blood soon will be on your hands, if not already. (Did you check the evening news for a jump in the latest body count?)

Now, I need to pack. Because I'm leaving for vacation in about 5 or 6 hours and haven't started packing yet. Fabulous.

Be the change you want to see in the world...

Yes.
another post.


I just finished watching tonight's episode of "So You Think You Can Dance."
And I have to say that I absolutely loved it. The new "obstacle," if you will, was that each dancer performed the same Wade Robson solo. It was danced to John Mayer's "Waiting on the World to Change" and each dancer wore white pants and a white t-shirt with a peach sign on the front, and a word stenciled in on the back. (Hope, Understanding, Communication...etc.)
These dances were so powerful and emotional. Some dancers danced them with anger, others with sadness, and others with hope for the future. I was definitely moved by these dances. They just showed how much can be conveyed through dance.

The theme was peace. That was all.

Peace.

Which, I think, is something that everyone, all Americans, everyone in the world, wishes for.



And then I went to the SYTYCD website and was looking on their message board. And I found an OVERWHELMING negative response to tonight's show. From people saying that...they were disgusted...by FOX trying to impose a political statement. And that FOX and Wade were USING these dancers to shove their personal anti-war feelings on the audience...These people said that they watched this show for the dancing...not to be lectured on politics.

...

I'm sorry......WHAT?!

First of all, dance is expressionism. Freedom of speech applies. People can use their emotions and choreography to express WHATEVER THEY WANT. and it was beautifully spoken.

Second, could someone PLEASE explain to me what is SO WRONG with anti-war? Yes, I support our troops. What they are doing overseas is extremely courageous. However, I want to get them home as soon as possible. I feel that war is unnecessary. Yes, I know that the notion of "world peace" is a bit idealistic, but we need to be able to dream. "The opposite of war isn't peace...it's creation." Our world needs to stop being so destructive. I don't understand what is SO WRONG with wanting our world to evolve...start fighting with ideas rather than nuclear weapons. If this show had promoted PRO-WAR ideas...would these people be happy?? I just don't understand.

Third...the theme tonight wasn't specifically "anti-war"...it was PEACE. Now, granted, one could argue that those are the same thing...However, even if we were not in the middle of a war...you could still dance for peace...



I guess I could understand where these people are coming from because they do tune into this show for the entertainment value...but these are people who don't understand the emotion of dance. They see fun hip-hop pieces...but don't realize how much emotion is expressed in other pieces. Everything has a deeper meaning.

Censorship disgusts me. These people want FOX to APOLOGIZE for tonight's episode. APOLOGIZE? for promoting a positive message?


Their message was PEACE. Their message was the same as John Mayer's in that song. We, as a younger generation, as people who are not making executive decisions regarding the war, as people who have a voice and want to use it...we need to stop WAITING on the world to change. We need to be the change we want to see in the world.




PEACE.

Pregnant at Seventeen

Today I found out that a girl at work is pregnant. She's seventeen.
It was almost uncomfortable talking to her about it. She was clearly confused on what her course of action should be...but at the same time, she seemed...not panicked enough.
I mean to say that she seemed relaxed. She had no problem telling everyone, whereas if it were ME, I don't think I'd tell ANYONE. Her biggest concern seemed to be the fact that she doesn't like throwing up, at that comes with the territory of morning sickness.
Now, to me, this girl doesn't seem mature enough to take care of HERSELF, let alone another person...

To be SEVENTEEN. and PREGNANT?
I couldn't even imagine.

On another note, I was late to work today because the normal 10 minute drive took me about half an hour. There was some horrible crash at the intersection right by my work and traffic was WAY backed up for quite a few hours. A girl I work with said that she thought she had seen body bags. I still don't know exactly what happened...


Isn't it strange how two completely different events seem to have the same response?
I mean, to have a baby when you're seventeen years old is often looked at as the end of the mother's life...or life as she knows it. It's no longer HER life, it's her and HER BABY's lives. It's almost seen as a tragedy. Of course, that's not to say that every situation ends negatively...some young mothers find a way to make it work. However, socially, people tend to feel sad for someone who gets pregnant at seventeen.
To have a fatal car accident is of course the end of a life. It's horrible to think about. People feel sad for the families of the victims...

One situation is the beginning of life, one is the end...however, both cause sadness. It's almost ironic...

I loved you, gray sweatpants, no makeup. So perfect.

so at about 5am last night (or this morning...) i turned on CNN to find the CNN/YouTube Democratic Debate on. I only caught the last half hour, but it was SO interesting. Rather than having some rehearsed journalist ask a question, REAL PEOPLE asked the questions. Rather than having someone ask the candidate's stance on gay marriage, two women who were holding hands ask "why can't we get married?" It sends a completely different message. If anyone knows when it's going to air again...let me know.

I don't really believe in political parties. Or, I should say, I don't put much faith into them. However, I would probably fall into the category of being a Democrat. I'm definitely liberal. I know that I am completely for gay marriage and domestic partnership. I know that I am pro-choice. I know that I believe that marijuana should be legalized. I know that I hate George W. Bush. (01.20.09. Let the countdown begin.) I know that I'm very open-minded and not bigoted. I love getting into discussions with people who have different beliefs than me. I do not try to impose my beliefs on other people, and I strongly respect those who do the same for me. I am just intrigued by why people believe the things they do. I'm not incredibly acknowledgeable in politics, but I find it to be very interesting and I love learning about them. Anyone want to have a political discussion?

I also know that I wish that the war would end and we could get everyone home. I wish America would do more to bring our troops home than to buy a magnetic ribbon to place on your car. It's scarier now that you actually, personally KNOW people over there. It's more of a reality. I found out today that a friend of mine, who is in the Navy, is in the hospital. He got hit in the leg with...something...I don't even know what... He currently cannot feel his leg and they don't know if he ever will again. That's too real for me. Please send positive energy toward him in Japan.



I never got out of my sweats all day. Fabulous. I could definitely just live in my sweatpants forever.

in the beginning, there was nothing...

i have to admit. the fad of myspace and facebook is dead to me.
well, that's not entirely true. BUT, i do need something new.
I've found myself with fewer people worth confiding in, recently. Ergo, I need somewhere to think.

This being my first post, I feel the need to introduce myself.

This is me.

I'm half asian. You can either find me in suburbia of Chicago or at school in Milwaukee. I'm a full time student at Marquette University, studying Public Relations and Theatre. My passion lies in music and dance. I talk fast and have a lot of energy. I'm opinionated and I love to have intelligent conversations and debates. I don't believe in god or organized religion. I believe in myself. I have a million acquaintances in my life, but only a handful of people who i truly care about.

My roommate is quite possibly my long-lost sister.
I truly believe that, had it not been for her, I wouldn't have made it through my first year of college the way that I did. We're alike in some many senses of the word, it's almost creepy. But I really don't know what I would do without her, now that I've met her.


This is Joe.
This is my absolute best friend in the world. He has been, ever since 6th grade, when he was my first boyfriend. Recently, we had dated for another 2 years. College and long-distance relationships are hard, so we're going back to the basics. He is the love of my life and he manages to break my heart everyday, without even knowing it. He's the reason that I am the person I am.


Calyn is more like me than I'll ever admit, but we're more different than any two people can be.
She's been there for me when everyone else has walked away. And, although we tend to fight a lot, she's a good friend when you need someone to count on. And I could laugh with this girl for hours. Despite whatever happens today or tomorrow, I know that she'll be there in the end.


"I want to hit her, really hard"
Yes. That's my sister. I used to hate her, but what sisters DIDN'T hate each other. Now, we go to the same college and get along a lot better. Of course we still fight, but I love my sister and I don't know what I'd do without her.
(and yes, those words up there were HER words when I was first born. loving, isn't she?)

Essentially, I've discovered who my true friends are in the past year. And I've realized who I can trust and who I can't trust. Trust is huge with me. I don't trust people easily and if I lose trust, it's SO hard to get back.

Three things you MUST know about me are:
1. I am a die-hard Cubs fan
2. The way to my heart is through mashed potatoes
3. I'm sarcastic more often than I am sincere


If you've made it this far in reading, I thank you. I'm not 100% sure what I'll post in here, but it's bound to be entertaining. I have horrible insomnia, so we'll see what comes out of emily's mind in the middle of the night, as she tries to put her jumbled thoughts into words.